28th crap

sakit pale sakit perut sakit tulang sakit otak sakit hati


sangat letih
sangat kecewa
sangat sedey :(






oh, crap!
kenapa la pompuan kena mengharungi detik-detik high and low of emotions setiap bulan?
Is losing a can of blood not enough?

Hidup ini penuh dengan crap

Pagi ini saya bangun tido dengan takde mood utk pergi keje.
Hari ini bukan Monday so bukan la monday blues kan?
Hari ini Tuesday tapi mana ada tueday blues kan?
Tapi saya sungguh rasa blues hari ini.

So saya fikir saya kena betulkan mood saya hari ini.
Saya bangun sangat pagi hari ini dan saya pilih untuk pakai baju yang sangat cantik sekali.
Saya pakai baju kebaya nyonya warna hijau daun pisang berkerawang bunga ros kaler pink, dipadankan dengan pants warna off-white.
Ramai orang di ofis puji saya kerana saya kelihatan begitu cantik hari ini.
Macam tak percaya je ada orang cakap "You look gorgeous today." Bukan tak pernah orang puji saya, tapi kakak yang puji saya itu amat garang. Dia suka marah orang... jarang puji orang. So patut la kan saya bangga? Ada pulak tiba-tiba orang cakap kasut saya cantik. hampir tiap-tiap hari saya pakai kasut tu, tapi arini je ke kasut tu nampak cantik? Tapi tak kisah la kan. Mungkin dia tak sampai hati nak cakap saya yang cantik hari ni (huhuu jahatnyer!!)

Tapi saya tetap emo hari ini.
Orang kata pakaian boleh mempengaruhi mood seseorang.
Orang kata compliments pon boleh menceriakan hari seseorang.
Tapi kenapa saya tetap takde mood harini?
Tipu la sape yang cakap camtu...

Pastu saya chat dengan kawan saya. Nama dia kyra. Dia dekat langkawi sekarang. Dia cakap dia nak bagi saya coklat banyak-banyak.
Yeayyy yeayyyyyyyyy!! Hepinyer saya.
Sayangggggg Kyra, dia tau camne nak hepikan saya.
Nasib baik dia pompuan dan saya bukan lesbian. Kalau tak lama dah saya cium-cium dia banyak-banyak kali sampai dia rimas, macam saya cium Adam Iman.

Tapi kegembiraan itu hanya seketika cuma... pasal tak sampai setengah jam lepas tu, saya dapat bad news lain pulak. Potong gile...
Sedih balik :(

the whole nine yards

I don't think I'm having PMS, as my menstrual cycle just completed its course yesterday.
But I cried. I was listening to "What Hurts the Most" by Monica and I cried.
Oh boy, I miss him. And it hurts.
I can't believe after so long i am missing him still.

It could have been our 96, and it could be our 9th since the 1st date.

There are things that i regret of doing in my life.
Breaking up with him is one of it.

Hancur

Kukatakan dengan indah
Dengan terbuka
Hatiku hampa
Sepertinya luka
Menghampirinya

Kau beri rasa
Yang berbeda
Mungkin kusalah
Mengartikannya
Yang kurasa cinta

Tetapi hatiku
Selalu meninggikanmu
Terlalu meninggikanmu
Selalu meninggikanmu

Kau hancurkan hatiku
Hancurkan lagi
Kau hancurkan hatiku
Tuk melihatmu

Kau terangi jiwaku
Kau redupkan lagi
Kau hancurkan hatiku
Tuk melihatmu

Membuatku terjatuh
Dan terjatuh lagi
Membuatku merasakan
Yang tlah terjadi
Semua yang terbaik
Dan terlewati
Semua yang terhenti
Tanpa kuakhiri

of Peter Pan's kukatakan dengan indah

Who am I in your life?

Life is the process of finding love,
every person will need to find four people in their life.
First person is yourself,
second person is the one you love most,
third person is the one who love you most,
and the fourth, is the one you spend the rest of your life with.

In life, firstly you will meet the one you love most,
and learn how love feels;
Because you know how love feels, so you can find the person who love you most;
When you have experienced the feeling of loving others and being loved, you will then know what it is you need most,
Then you will find the person who is suitable for you, to be able to spend the rest of your life with.

Sadly, in real life,
these three people are usually not the same person.
The one you love most, doesn't love you;
The one who love you most, is never the one you love most;
And the one you spend your life with, is never the one you love most or the one who love you most,
he is just the person who happens to be at the right place at the right time.

So, which person are you in other people's life?
Which person have you found so far?
In the world so big, which person have you found?
And who has found you?

No person will purposely have a change of heart.
At the point in time when he loves you, he really loves you;
But when he doesn't love you anymore, he really don't love you anymore;
When he loves you, he can't pretend that he doesn't;
Same goes, when he loves you no more, there's no way he can pretend he loves you.
Love is not a possession.
If you still love him, you should wish him happiness,
and hope that he will be with the one he loves most, not stop him from it.
If you stop him from finding true happiness with the one he loves, it shows you already don't love him,
And if you don't love him, what rights do you have to blame him for a change of heart?

*this is an excerpt from my older post
...bcoz i need to be doped again*

Broken wings...

I can't explain this feeling
I think about it everyday
And even though we've moved on
It gets so hard to walk away

I've been haunted by the past.
Past that I thought didn't matter much to me... but it does.
I've been having sleepless nights, I broke down...
It had me days and nights, and played with my dreams...
It got me real bad - I went blank and almost fainted yesterday.

I can't explain what went inside my head.
I was told to move on, but a part of me still hold back.
I was told to let it out, and let go...
But the memories still keep coming back to me.

I wish things are as simple as it may seem.
But it's not...
I could just let it all go... I just can't.
I don't even know if I ever will...

I'm sorry

"I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this
And it's so out of line to try to turn back time"

Addiction

Sometimes kan, in order for me to truly appreciate something, i need to feel the loss of it.
so that i can feel the pain of losing it
so that i can understand how much it means to me.
Now i'm addicted to pain.
I need it to feel alive.

9 6

Happy 9 6 - to mom & dad for your birthday.
And me too... for whatever reason that matters.


400 days
of
agony.
pain.
hope.
bitterness.
solitude.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Should I stop counting now?

25 DEAL we made.

Menunggumu
Chrisye feat. Peterpan

Di dalam sebuah cinta
Terdapat bahasa
Yang mengalun indah
Mengisi jiwa
Merindukan kisah
Kita berdua
Yang tak pernah bisa
Akan terlupa

Bila rindu ini masih milikmu
Kuhadirkan sebuah tanya untukmu
Harus berapa lama aku menunggumu
Aku menunggumu

Di dalam masa indah
Saat bersamamu
Yang tak pernah bisa
Akan terlupa
Pandangan matanya
Menghancurkan jiwa
Dengan segenap cinta
Aku bertanya

Bila rindu ini masih milikmu
Kuhadirkan sebuah tanya untukmu
Harus berapa lama aku menunggumu
Aku menunggumu

Dalam hati ku menunggu
Dalam hati ku menunggu

Aku...
Dalam lelah ku menunggu
Dalam letih ku menunggu
Aku...
Masih menunggu

Bila rindu ini masih milikmu
Kuhadirkan sebuah...

Harus berapa lama, harus berapa lama
Aku menunggumu, aku menunggumu
Aku menunggu...aku menunggumu


I don't know how much longer can i wait. I don't know if i have that much patience. I don't have forever to spare.
But here I am, standing still... watching you pass me by. And praying that our path will collide, again.

What would you do?

What would you do...
...when everything that you plan fails?
...when everything falls into different places?
...when you encounter one disaster after another?
...when your hope dies?
...when your dream shattered?


I'll be gone for a while...
See you soon.

Catch 22

"Don't wait for me. I've got a lot to do. I've got a lot to be. And in the end, maybe I'll see you again.."

Day in, day out
It's not that bad
I'm worried, I'm worried
Never have to worry again
Never be.. never be alone...

:: catch22 ::

Walk away

When i need a comforting arm so badly, I've got not one to turn to.
More often, I believe that there is no point of turning anywhere, coz I'll get lost anyway...

A friend asked me the other day, "Even at this stage, you really don't trust anyone, do you?"
A node to that. I trust no one. Not even myself.

It's really painful
When I find it difficult
To trust anyone
To open up
To hold inside
these tears and laughter

I'm happy, just to be me.
I'm sad, just let me be.
But I still need you
To untangle my heart
So I can be yours forever.

Recover post

Hi...

I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate today!

Ya Allah, please replace today with a better day tomorrow.
Amin.

Sekian, terima kasih.

My heart is broken and I'm alive.
When I'm alive, I feel the pain.


Berhenti Berharap
by Sheila on 7

aku tak percaya lagi
dengan apa yang kau beri
aku terdampar di sini
tersudut menunggu mati

aku tak percaya lagi
akan guna matahari
dengan mampu menerangi
sudut gelap hati ini

aku berhenti berharap
dan menunggu datang gelap
sampai nanti suatu saat
tak ada cinta kudapat

kenapa ada derita
bila bahagia tercipta
kenapa ada sang hitam
bila putih menyenangkan...

aku pulang...
tanpa dendam
kuterima.. kekalahanku

Creepy...

the black that doesn't fade when u awake
until you scream and shake
only to realize it wasn't a dream
but an aspiration of you insanity

and that you scream was silent
and your shake a feeble attemp
for when your eyes opened
your muscles are relaxed and resting

and your family is still asleep
but you were already awake

then you realize that if we're all the same
then right now they feel the same thing
and that if not,
you just have become
a victim of abnormality

- Jigz-

cause inside...

"If I have to give away...
The feeling that I feel.
If I have to sacrifice...
Oh, whatever baby.
If I have to take apart...
All that I am...
Is there anything that I would not do,
'Cause inside I'd die without you..."

i just cant wait to get home
to you...
With a bowl of mushroom soup :)