Wishlist Updated

My wishlist updated:

1. A PDA
2. New purse
3. New handphone
4. A digital SLR-like camera with >10x optical zoom
5. New sunglasses (preferably identical to my beloved sunglasses that my mom accidently flushed down the toilet :( )
6. A holiday with my new camera and sunglasses!! yeeehhhaa!!

Item 1 & 2, i've already got them - FREE!! Courtesy of Company + Leader
Item 3 - Kewl stuff!! Camera + Infrared + Bluetooth + all those WAP stuff (but useless to me. My 'service provider' does not provide the services)
I HAD to buy! My bloody phone was not functioning anymore and i HAD to buy a new phone! But well, it satisfed my wishlist even though item was not listed in October 04 budget ;-)

Kuih & Cookies Raya

Festive Season Is Here Again!

Please visit my KUIH & COOKIES RAYA fotopages.

You can have a sample, if you happen to live/work nearby my place ;-)

Rope of hope

There are times that you keep thinking.. you've been holding on to something.. it takes too much of your energy. You are not too sure if it worth the effort or whether you'll regret the whole struggle? and u wish u'd rather fall and feel the pain altogether. Perhaps it was not the pain that you are not willing to surrender to, but it was just insecurity that crawls in.

I learnt this when I did an induction camp weeks ago. In one of the activities, I had to walk on a rope to get across a lake. And for balancing, I had to hold strong to the two ropes on my sides, one for each side. If i fall, i'd fall into a muddy lake. The problem is, i cant be falling, coz i cant swim. So before I begin the journey with a team of 3, we had a bit of practice and discussed the best techniques to get us across. But it was not as easy as it seem. It took so much of my energy to balance my body, and more difficult to balance the ropes i've been gripping with these 2 bare hands. I can hear people shouted for us, coz they believe we can make it to the other end of the lake. As much as i want to believe so, i felt like it took forever for me to get to the other end. Half way through, i almost fell. Twice. Each time, I got up again on my two feet. Extra careful. Just as much as i believe that i could make it thru, reality bites. My body cant take it anymore. As i lose concentration, i lose my balance as well. I was holding on to the rope tightly. i didnt want to fall.. i was not ready for the water. But I finally fell.. but it was not as bad as I thought. I thought I will drowned but much to my suprise, I kinda like the refreshing and sensational feelings of the water in a hot sunny weather.

People say practice makes perfect. But the real fact is, practice makes permanent. What you've been practicing might not be right. It just makes you become better of what you already know. It could be a mistake you keep doing all over again, and become better at it. It just a problem of some people who make permanent of their life, they normally dont allow room for a change. Little that we know, we might not be practicing the obvious for long.

It just got me into thinking that, most times, i dont want to change what i have in my life. There are times i think what i always believe is true. What i always do is right. There are times i know that the path i'm taking is wrong, but i'm just dont havt the guts to change lane. It's like you've been traveling so far, only to know that you are heading to the wrong direction. No wonder la tak sampai-sampai!! But along the way, it was such a wonderful experience. Beautiful sceneries. Unforgetful memories. It's just that, you probably dont get to reach the destination. So what do u do? Do you stop? Do u make a turn or just continue the endless journey?

There are many good things in life we wish it never end. But how can we expect such a thing when we know, life itself will come to an end.

Psychotic vs Curious Mind

This particular site shocked me up!
A self-mutilation act. Wow~ Wat a psycho!!

Tried something like that once. But it wasn't a self mutilation act at all.
See, I was always amazed with the fact that each one of us have unique finger prints and how it helps in criminal investigations and bla bla bla.. (This happens years before CSI came into the screen. I was so young and i didn't know they've got other gadgets)

Well, the truth is.. there was this one time, years ago, i had series of nightmares - i was a dangerous outlaw on the run. It bit me to reality so badly i started thinking of ways to cheat evidence e.g finger prints. So out of curiousity, I purposely burnt my finger.Just wanted see if i can change the pattern, pretended that i was a criminal hahaha...

I did it only on one finger.
I managed to get the pattern changed.. Errmm to be exact, it's not even a pattern. But a minor skin burn..
Kewl! but it was a stupid act.

My Remedy

I just got back from a camping trip to Bentong, Pahang. At least that was the first impression when i joined in the bus trip. I didn't put much thought when i decided to go. I was contemplating to go since i've got a commitment here. My then-final decision was not to go, left my friends with much disappointment.

But it was about 5.30am when, for a strange reason, i woke up and like a bullet, the thought of going struck my head. First and foremost, chances for me to wake up that early are NIL. Nak bangun pagi kol 7 gi keje pon payah ape lagi kol 5 la kan.. Forced myself to get back to sleep but i couldn't. It was a strange force telling me to go. Weird. I just can't explain. Took wuduk and i prayed for direction from God. Stay? Go? Go!

It was like a sudden call. I have less than an hour to quickly get ready, pack my bag and leave my worries behind. For once, i feel selfish.. but my inner voice told me that sometimes, selfish is the only choice i have to appreciate myself. No one can appreciate you more than your own self.

Perhaps it's the subconscious mind telling me to clear my head and rekindle with my spirit. Lately i've been feeling miserable and i just couldn't find any sense in me. I need to get out of my now-life, back to nature and search for my inner self. Finding antidote for my soul. Well, maybe it was at the wrong time. But what power do we have to judge time?

It's like a wake up call.. All these while i just feel like i always always treat myself the wrong way. I sympathize myself alot. I mean, it's a feeling like, I am one running system. There are times when my mental get disappointed. Most times, my emotion symphatize my mental if things didn't turn out right. When my emotion is a glass full of sympathy, i became upset spiritually. When the spirit didn't get much support, it weaken me physically. Affected my mental again and forth. Circling round the system. It's like a metamorphosis of me. With a missing link.

The missing link is between mental and emotion - communication. And support.
The bridge - emphatic to myself. Empathy, not sympathy.

Empathy, my remedy.
Somewhere in the jungle.

Who is better at argument?

I was on the way to the office.
In traffic jam.. accompanied with the fm wave.
The fellow was talking about "men vs women - who is better at argument?"
Sexist topic, again!among the easiest way to get listeners' attention. chauvinist.
Well, have to say.. worked on me.

So, who's better?

There are two types of argument. One, a healthy argument, another is unhealthy argument (well, obviously).

I think most ppl know pon, healthy argument is when we can argue about everyday stuff, politics, environment, the world, whatever... and it's like a mental exercise. Who wins? The person with better brain, supported by the right facts. (I like it when i win.. i feel so smart!! hehehe) I personally think that it's not the gender that counts. It's intelligence.. Maturity, the way we percieve things. And at the end of the day, everybody gains.

When ppl argue for a small thing or over a stupid stuff, that's when the argument turns ugly. And it's bad for your health. It usually filled the air with anger. And anger is 10% emotion and 90% nonsense. And of course, i can safely say, girls are pretty much good at this. Ada sket emotional la.. I, on the the other hand, usually walk out the door when i sense the heat.

But then again, at times i do like arguments. I could easily say what i wanted to say without needing to be careful with my words, or hurting the other party. It makes me feel good. Even though the aftermath is disasterous, it doesn't matter. i finally get to send my words across.

But most times, i have to withdraw. My instructor once said, to get the best of argument - avoid it. Especially if i'm dealing with a person that has so much ego in 'em. Or in a relationsip.. Duran Duran said, "Pride will tear us both apart. Well now pride's gone out the window, cross the rooftops, runaway."

Pride. Swallow it. And drink a lot of water.

Drag Queen

Warning : The thoughts below has nothing to do with the title.

I dragged myself to get off the bed today.. well, the symptom started long ago and it's becoming worse.

I dragged myself to get off the bed today..
Not bcoz i'm not a morning person.
Not bcoz i had not enuff sleep (overslept maybe)
Not bcoz i hate the jam
Not bcoz i hate to work

Just bcoz i hate my boss!

I hate the fact that i have to wait for his direction everytime i want to proceed with my work.
And his direction is never clear. It's just the procedure. *sigh*
I hate the fact that every decision that we make, it has to get approval from the management.
And to get him signature, or a nod from his almost botak head can take weeks. Any earlier, I have to chase 'em like a mad dog!
I hate the fact that he promised the moon and stars to potential customers.
And i have to build rocket for them.
I hate the fact that bcoz he promised so many stuff to the customers and didn't deliver them "on time", i have to meet the customers and renew the promises.
And that means, i have to lie sum more and jeapordize the rapo of my company.
I hate the fact that he thinks everything is so simple, and makes everything as simple as he thinks.
Yeah rite! And i have to dig the hole, pile the tiang, and do watever shit so that he can land safely.

I asked my AGM to help me to talk the GM to move faster. People in the industry already approaching the finishing line and kite baru dok terkial2 nak pakai spike.

Feedback from the GM when i asked him to make a call to our business partner in Australia, so that we could tell them to fly down here for a technical workshop.
"I'll call Steve at the end of the week. I'm not happy with the pace of their progress"
Hello~~ !! He was suppose to call Steve 2 weeks ago. And i am not happy with the pace of his progress!! It was just a phone call away, and it only take like 15 mins of his bloody time so we can move our asses on this project.

And i'm not even suprised if this Project is void altogether.
Just becoz of one bloody call he didn't make.
And of course, if there's any problem, i have to take the blame.
When he left a shit, i had to clean it.
Damn it, i'm not working for him. I'm working for the company.

As i complained, Jeri said "Nak buat mcm mana. Kita hanya yang menurut perintah. So, turut la perintah" Yeah, i guess he's right! I don't give a damn anymore. Just kill time with this bloggie thingggg~ yeahhh! Wasted life!!