Catch 22

"Don't wait for me. I've got a lot to do. I've got a lot to be. And in the end, maybe I'll see you again.."

Day in, day out
It's not that bad
I'm worried, I'm worried
Never have to worry again
Never be.. never be alone...

:: catch22 ::

My beautiful disaster

Meet my baby...

BIODATA:
Name: Jigzy Pink Fit
Nickname: Pinky lady -->manja name: mybaby (",)
I/C No: BHX 9116
Race: Honda Fit
Date of Birth: Dec 05 (recarnation in Malaysia)
Place of Birth: Japan
First met: Love at first sight - August 2004 One Utama Foyer (actually it was her twin sister, Jazz which was on display)
First introduced: June 2005
First date: Dec 2005

She's my darling baby..
She's worth the wait
She's worth the pain

Coz she never whine and complaint
Coz she never can lie to me
Coz she never cheat on me (coz the key to her engine is wit me alwayss)
Coz she never hurt me (hurt my pocket tho!)
no matter how many times i hurt her (jigz the reckless driver vroomm vrooommm!!)

For good times and bad times
I know she'll always be with me

Who says love don't cost a thing?

Mengetuk kepala monyets

Dah 3 hari aku tolerate dengan radio bodo kete aku yang hanya boleh dapat station 2 station melayu RTM, 1 station cina n 1 station tahpehape.
Pastu station Melayu die cam sampah, aku lebih rela membebel sensorang dr menanggung seksa dengar lagu karat.
Pastu aku lagi pelik...
Pejadahnye Raya Haji pon radio main lagu raya?

Imma goin back to JB tonite for ketupat raya nyum nyum nyummm
Bringing my darling baby home to introduce to my family.
Nebes + excited, awwwww!!
Hopefully those monyets (my sis & bro) tak banyak komplen..kang aku sekeh kepala sekor2.

Anyway, Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha frens...
Tadi ada minah salam aku dan ucapkan "Selamat Hari Raya".
Iskk... feel raya ke ape ni?

Signing Out of 2005

The last of 2005.
Lawak gile TM ni, 5pm sharp all the phones rang - it's the mass calling system..
I thought it's one of those Tsunami Mass Alerting System that they are testing - all fixed line in TM HQ office will get the 1st warning call if the Tsunami sensor triggers. Imagine all hundreds of phones ring at the same time and everybody buat bodo, not picking up knowing that it's just a mass warning call. Irritating kan?
...but it was actually a mass New Year wish to TM employess (how sweet!! hehhh~)
Hangin je... Buat cuak skejap.

2005.
Alot has happened throughout this year, the most challenging year of my life (by far!).
My greatest achievements, my greatest downfalls - in love, life and career.
With the end of it, I literally feels like shoving the burden off my shoulder.
Only some...

Let me get the checklist.
So wat have we got from 2005?
It's a year of...
Pearl and Diamond Manager
TNS Launching
Last of Star Wars
Break up
Singleton
DEAL!
Wedding invitations (byk siot kwn kawin thn ni!)
My darling baby
Sister's marriage
Baby Arysha
Chicken pox
JGB 42
BHX 9116
Great Vacations
Moving Out
Moving In
New home and the swimming pool haha
Plus the neighbours
Gossips and Scandals
And much much more
Of love
Of life
Of career
Of growing up
Of maturing
Of rising and falling
Of understanding life
And walking thru it...
Of everything that matters

I had enough of rat race and dream chasing in 2005.
Alhamdulillah, i had the best and worst of it all.
I've won and lose battles...
For goodness sake, it was a taxing year.
And i think i need a break...

2006, I just want to explore different paths and become acquainted with unusual activities outside of my usual social sphere.
Gotto throw away those goal achieving checklists and give a shot at my outdated dare-do checklists.
Now is my chance to break free from the pack of hard work and capture something that my heart desire.
Give it everything I've got.
In other word - ENJOY! ENJOY! ENJOY!

Farewell 2005.

Happy New Year y'all!
It's gonna be a really really exciting year.
Don't believe?
Ask Guruji!
Nyet nyet nyettttt

Walk away

When i need a comforting arm so badly, I've got not one to turn to.
More often, I believe that there is no point of turning anywhere, coz I'll get lost anyway...

A friend asked me the other day, "Even at this stage, you really don't trust anyone, do you?"
A node to that. I trust no one. Not even myself.

It's really painful
When I find it difficult
To trust anyone
To open up
To hold inside
these tears and laughter

I'm happy, just to be me.
I'm sad, just let me be.
But I still need you
To untangle my heart
So I can be yours forever.

Recover post

Hi...

I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate today!

Ya Allah, please replace today with a better day tomorrow.
Amin.

Sekian, terima kasih.

"Bila bunyi bersatu, kau milikku"

When I almost gave up all hope to live (nehh!), my darling baby gave me a new light of hope.
I finally get to see my baby eye to eye last Saturday - for the first time.
Extremely excited, I woke up even before lalat bangun dat day... hahaa.

That morning, I went fractic when i saw a figure just like in the photo.
I spotted my baby in that crowded place, waiting patiently for me at the arrival bay.
I almost screamed, "Haaa, tu dia!!! Tu tu tu.. dah nampak dahhh!"
Maka terserlahkan kegragoanku tanpa tersengaja.
Jigz, control pliz!
Can't help it, man! I was so teruja!

He smiled, i know he was happy too. I was so blushed!

Shit, I was red with embarrassment. Rase mcm nak tanam je muka dalam tanah.

Needless to say more, two words to describe my baby

GORGEOUS
and
SEXY

It's like a dream come true. I'm the happiest barbie Mattel ever invented.

That one hour meeting (or mating? hahaha jigz on gatal mode) was worth it.

And he asked me for a hand in "you-know-what".

Could it be a double joy for jigz?

My heart is broken and I'm alive.
When I'm alive, I feel the pain.


Berhenti Berharap
by Sheila on 7

aku tak percaya lagi
dengan apa yang kau beri
aku terdampar di sini
tersudut menunggu mati

aku tak percaya lagi
akan guna matahari
dengan mampu menerangi
sudut gelap hati ini

aku berhenti berharap
dan menunggu datang gelap
sampai nanti suatu saat
tak ada cinta kudapat

kenapa ada derita
bila bahagia tercipta
kenapa ada sang hitam
bila putih menyenangkan...

aku pulang...
tanpa dendam
kuterima.. kekalahanku

Silence of the lamb

Some things are better left unsaid.
Some words are better left unwritten.
Some thoughts are better left unspoken.
Some feelings are better left unlearnt.
Sometimes it's just better to remain silent.

When you say too much, they'll miss your point.
When you say too little, they don't get you.
When you say nothing at all, they'll miss you.

Adakah zaman telah mundur atau aku kian mengundur?

I had lunch with three of my dearest frens tadi, who i only get to meet about twice a year.
(That's about the number of times i go to KLCC.. huwarghhh!!)
(And i just learnt that i have a fren that weight 0.1 tonne. Kewl gile!!)

They talk alot and they pangkah alot.
Oh, and they just lurrve making fun of me...
But i always stumble at every attemp to counter them back.
And i always ended up making fool of myself.
Atau bertukar menjadi tenuk yang blur.
Darn me!

Suddenly i feel so awkward.
This is weird.
I'm not quite sure if i'm even myself.
I know that i have lost my social skills.
But i didn't realize that i have lost my self esteem and my self confidence as well.
And my general knowledge has dropped from scale 4 of 10 to 1.

I was at the verge of memaki kebodohan diri when my hsemate called.

"Babe, ape plan kau mlm ni?"
Thinking real hard. Mesti nak ajak aku pi memane ni. Ape excuse nak bagi ni?
"Erm, tah... Maybe nak kena fetch Ayu tapi tak sure lagi kol bape."
"Jom ikut aku gi open hse malam ni."
"Kat ne? Umah sape?"
"Kat KJ. Ala, ade laa.. Meh la ikut aku. Aku nak bwk kau gi socialize. U need to go out and meet new people. Different set of people. Mane tau aku leh carikkan kau 'kenalan' baru."
"Huh? Gile!"

My friends thought my social life has turned from bad to worse.
Ironically, I thought so too.
Have you ever heard anyone go window shopping at SSF?
Yeah, that's me.
Yesterday, rather than spending my MC day strutting the aisle of my fav money-spending palace - OU, i found peace by shopping for household items/decor at SSF.
????
Yes, i know...
I feel kinda weird myself.

Lalalala... Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Kehadapan sahabat-sahabatku yang disayangi,

Di sepanjang perkenalan ini
Di sepanjang perjalanan hidup ini
Terlalu banyak yang kita lalui
Banyak onar dan duri kita tempuhi

Namun di dalam kita pengembaraan ini
Aku mengerti...
Ada kata yang telah ku nodai
Ada hati yang telah aku sakiti
Tidak ku tahu jika aku mengundang benci

Kupohon ampun dan maaf dari sudut hati yang terpencil
Sekiranya ada perasaan yang telah kuguris
Ada perbuatan diri yang dikasari

Wahai sahabat-sahabatku yang kukasihi
Dari hati yang suci
Kususun sepuluh jari
Agar dosa diampuni
Agar kemaafan diberi
Di hari dan bulan yang mulia ini

SELAMAT HARI RAYA
AIDIL FITRI

MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN

*gile aku leh buat kad raya camnih wahhahaha
Mungkin aku patut consider buat poem BM lak lepas ni hekss doink!

There she goes... a yuppie yippie yeay

I'm gonna have a big first date with my darling baby next week, InsyaAllah. Need to accessorise myself a bit hikss...So this is it, my mengada-ngada wishlist.

Within a year,i have lost all my watches (ilang/org pinjam tak pulang/org pinjam then ilangkan/ rosak/battery mati n malas nak betulkan coz dah tak suke). Therefore, i'm hunting for a new timepiece...

I saw this watch in Takashimaya a few months back, but with white soft leather with gold G links. Sadly, i couldn't find it anywhere here. Menyesal tak beli aritu :-(

Simple, but i think i like pink better, thus

Pink Sun Goddess Watch. Goddess bebbb!!

And I need a new pair of sunglasses.


This one looks abit like my late Etro sunglasses.. A bit out of fashion, don't u think?

Oh, now i have developed fetish over bracelets ;o)

Ekk, tetiba rasa gegirl sangat laks.. apsal ni?
Di kala bosan dan lapar, jigz menjadi tah pehapa..

Nevertheless, my ultimate wishlist is

D70 bebeh!! Got me melted all the way...
So jealous of xman, he got himself a D50... When is my turn? huwaaaa :'(

And,
my avantgarde wishlist...
Coming up soon...
jeng jeng jeng

She's all that...

When a GIRL is quiet, millions of things are running through her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing,she is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds, she is not at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday, she wants to be pampered.
When a GIRL says I love you, she means it.
When a GIRL says "i miss you", no one in this world can miss you more than that.

I was stripped naked last nite,hypothetically...

Esteem: D other side of jigz has always stayed within, until you ripped it off jst now. Tho i feel a bit tertekan krn my history being revealed, but it made me realized dat probably d root of failure of my rship is bcoz i refuse to let others know the person i was, dat made me who i am 2day. E'tho past n future never collides but we always go back to d root, don't we? Sure kau tak paham ape aku ngarut but thx 4 waking me up, dude.

Propagate: I do und'stand. Our root dvlps d strength of brothahud in each of us. No regret, even a slight of guilt 4 wut ive told just now. Its jst dat i wntd 2 rfresh d glory of our past. Bout ur luv, surely u will meet a much bttr prson. D ties dat binds btween all of us is d thing dat i cherish most. Sleeptight!

I used to live up to other people's expectation.
Now i just wanna live mine.

Let herstory remains with her

I was stripped naked last nite..literally.
Serious mengalir peluh-peluh betinaku (pasal aku bukan jantan so aku takde peluh2 jantan)..
Never in my rightful mind that my past life would be disclosed. The crazy jb life. The jiggy suey i left behind..

Sometimes people will look at me one kind je when they learn the truth of me - my choice of music, choice of friends, choice of living back then... Which i, until now, managed to keep it in my safety box, unless being revealed by my old frens. I listened, i read, i learned, i breath the idealogy. Though i dun give a damn 2cent of what people think of my idealogy and the scene but my reason of not telling - i hate people making fun of it. For those who never been involved in the scene, it may seem like "poyo siot!" Call it the poyoness of me... Lantak la. Aku tak kacau kau, pehal ko nak kacau life aku?!

I was a believer. But I was never an extremist. I knew that there are jerks who accused me of being a trend follower. I was there before it was even a trend. I was there before it was swarm by posers. I pulled myself away from the crowd and gone in silence.

It was a good life, good love, good music, good frens.

You know me so long, yes you thought you know me. Think again!
Sorry i wasn't truthful. It's just that you wouldn't understand.
You mainstream people sux.
Sorry beb!!

The other side of jigz stays within, until someone rip off herstory.

I'm a fisherman's friend

A guy fren likes to put a phrase on me, "Oh i forgot, you are not a GIRL!" He said it for 3 times last nite alone!

Let me tell you sumthing my dear fren..
No, i don't talk about guys with my galfrens when we hang out.. thank you very much. Tapi honestly la i think only school girls je buat keje checking out pretty guys. Ladies of my pathetic life have lots more to think of in life rather than wondering if the guy over that counter is checking on us or not. Women of my age aren’t talking about sex and relationships so much—they are talking about work and their careers. If you wonder if that makes us feel old, prolly..sometimes..

And dear fren....
Honestly, i don't really like to hang out with girls coz i feel so akwark. For some reason, i don't have much of girlfrens.. Really.. i hate the mengumpat, mengata, mengeji dan mengutuk other people and no, i don't think it's funny at all, i hate the gossipping sessions, i hate the "check-out-that-hawt-guy-there", i hate browsing thru girly mags and trying to imitate those aneroxic models, drooling eyeballs over latest fashion, trying out latest make up, seriyesly BENCI! Having studied in an all-girl school 80% of my pengajian rendah & menengah, i had enuff of these clones. I do keep in touch with these girls once in a while, who i gladly refer as my social frens.. I need them for my 1,000 name lists of my wedding invitation and get them to buy me wedding gifts and pics snapping on the pelamin sessions. But tell you the truth.. i can't last more than 30 mins hanging out with them.

In case if you wonder, my dear fren...
No, I don't wear short sexy skirts and i don't reveal my cleavage maybe for the fact that i don't have much to show. I don't put on make up maybe for the fact that i have too much coretan di pipi and i don't wish to make my face even more serabut coz dat would make me feel like menconteng arang di muka sendiri. No, i don't go for facial treatments coz it's really painful i tell u it sucks the first time i had it. No, i don't go for hair treatments coz i like my hair the way it is and i got it covered most of the time. If those are the characteria to be a chic and get hitched, thank you very much. I rather not be!

And sometimes i do wonder myself, my dear fren..
Mane la minah2 ni dpt duit nak mantain diri.. Banyak duit siot nak pakai just to satisfy hawa nafsu mata jantan-jantan.. Nak straighten rambut la, bagi bounce la (sampai skang aku tak reti beza straighten & rebonding), medicure, pedicure, gi facial la, fashion updates, make up sebakul, accessories ikut kaler baju lagi.. tu tak masuk contact lense ikut kaler eye shadow.. shehhhssss!! To be frank with you, most of the girls of this category that i know would get sponsorship from their Mr Big. Therefore, please don't ask me if i could bring any hot galfrens along when we go out coz really... i don't have pretty chics to introduce to you or ajak lepak together coz i think most of them are fake and i don't wish to see my frens get fooled by these clones! Either dat, or you'll find that my real girlfrens are not up to your Covergirl standard... and dat would disappoint you, wouldn't it?

And if you must know, my dear fren...
No, mushy and cheesy words don't impress me much. I hate sweet talkers. Oh, and sorry i can't be mengada-ngada and act cheeky... If it kills to be practical, so kill me! I'm a serious bitch, so sue me!

Futhermore, my dear fren...
I'm a tad too old to perasan chic. Just treat me as a fren ok.
That will do me just fine.

Why do i feel these days people take relationship like accessories? Guys want the Coverpage girls and girls want Mr. Big - the wealthy guy to show off to other people.
Everybody's out for fishing competition.. see who gets the biggest catch.
And love is just a word to be used as a bait.

For richer or poorer

I just had a lunch.. i rarely go out for lunch but i decided that i need a decent lunch before Ramadhan comes tomorrow.

While we were enjoying our last lunch before Ramadhan, my friend saw a blind man coming from behind me, with his assistant/guidance (whatever u call her/him). She told me that she didn't want to donate. I know she felt guilty, and didn't want to look vain at the same time. Told her, if you donate half-heartedly, better don't. I gave her an empty look as I, myself rarely donate for blind man, or any beggar as a matter of fact, who walks table to table.

Since i was small, i was taught by my mother not to donate money to these people. Beggar is a harsh word to use, but they beg for money, don't they? These people..Some of them are either partially blind,or they belong in a syndicate that use kids, old women with kids, and disabled people as their modus operandi. If you notice, these people usually come in a taxi or a van or any form of pickup transport provided by their mandur.

When I was still living in JB, if these people came to me, I sometimes talk to them and told them to go to Welfare Depmt as they have allocations for the orphanage, old folks, poor and disabled people. Tapi biasala, ada sesetengah tu..esp the Burmese ni slalu kong ajo, esp budak2. Cam nak sepak2 je rase.

If you lepak long enough at the stalls, you will notice they will come back after about half an hour. They will take turn in about 10-15 minutes (but these days you can see ramai sgt). For whatever reason they are doing it, I personally diss them. I mean, I pity them. Yes. But there are alot of other ways for them to earn decent money, and most importantly earn respect. And the saddest part is that, mostly are Malays. Cover muke sejap! Sedih nengok Melayu camni :( I don't care if you are some MDs or clerks or cleaners, all of them are the same because all of us are trying to make end meets by doing a decent job.

These blindpeople..They maybe unfortunate for not able to see the colours of the world since the day they were born. Or perhaps, on their journey of life. But it's fated, written in the book of God. They need to take a pride in themselves for getting the special place in Hereafter. But that doesn't give them the priviledge to degrade themselves by begging for sympathy while they are still alive. They are only blind, but they still have the energy, and most importantly, brain to think. Apela salahnye enroll themselves in a training center for disabled. There are alot of such centers in this country. In fact, one of my favourite dolly was one made by blind people in JARO. I taught that doll to walk, u know.. so cute! Got fringe and all!

Ladies and gentlemen, I am a strong believer (heks!) dat Malaysians are very generous. I love our community. Indeed. If not,Bersamamu wouldn't be success. If not, our government couldn't bring the Acheh orphanage to this country for adoption. If not, Mercy could be long extint. If not, Ahmad and Mohammad could probably be the real life version of "Stuck On You". If not, Ras Adiba Radzi could never walk again and drive her posh Volvo. All thanks to generous Malaysians.

However, if you really want to donate, please do so at the mosque. Or do a bit more. It doesn't take much of your effort. Just find a welfare center, a family or a person. Just ONE. Donate for that particular subject of your choice that you believe in most need of help. Every month. Tak banyak.. Seguni beras pon takpe. At least you know where your donation gone, and wat it is used for.There are a lot of welfare centers in Malaysia. Opt for the ones that really in need. Most famous orphanage centers have more funds than you think. And the orphans are richer than you. These kids get to attend alot of functions, meet alot of celebrities, get a handful of gifts and duit raya. That's why most orphans prefer to stay at the centers than their own home. Not that i have anything against them or anything...It's a fair share. I know, even though they are showered with gifts and lavish treatments, they are missing the love of their late parent/s.

But have you ever thought of those who refuse or not able to enroll in the centers just because they can't leave their family due to their obligations. At such a young age, they take responsibilities of their parent/s. These kids are the ones that we really need to help. They don't come to you. They don't seek for attention. They don't ask for help. But it's our duty to come to them, care for them and help them.

Choose your donatee. It won't hurt your wallet. And it will never make you a penny poorer.

Lucas said "My life is too short to become a film studio." - CNN

The theatrical Star Wars saga may be winding to a close, but the Force will always be here - into many new and exciting territories - Asia.
What else can I ask for?

I know it's not over yet.
I know it's not the end.
I know there is still a light of hope.
And now it's here... closer to me ;-)

With the return of Jedi Clone Wars, Lucas empire strikes back... bringing a new hope...to ME!!!!

My life's a bore, so why do u even care?

eeyyyyyyy!!!
I just realized that Jigz Dump Site has marked one year of its existence in the alam maya siber.. yeayyyy!!

Antara banyak-banyak, saya suka yang ini - My Remedy, ini pon ok gaks - "No...I said I love you SO MUCH!", Dan Change One Thing, Change Everything slalu wat saye pikir. Ini pon same One of those... of me. Haa.. ini menjadi topik emo kawan-kawan saya - Malacca, that's where my life begins... Tapi saye agak emo dgn yang ni Beauty queen is only sixteen.

Ade lagi ke yang nak fill me in? hehe...

Hmm....
Apesal aku rase cam pathetic je ni? Shit, i need a real life!

beauty queen of only sixteen

Life is the process of finding love,
every person will need to find four people in their life.
First person is yourself,
second person is the one you love most,
third person is the one who love you most,
and the fourth, is the one you spend the rest of your life with.

In life, firstly you will meet the one you love most,
and learn how love feels;
Because you know how love feels,
so you can find the person who love you most;
When you have experienced the feeling of loving others and being loved,
you will then know what it is you need most,
Then you will find the person who is suitable for you,
to be able to spend the rest of your life with.

Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person.
The one you love most, doesn't love you;
The one who love you most, is never the one you love most;
And the one you spend your life with, is never the one you love most
or the one who love you most,
he is just the person who happens to be at the right place at the right time.
So, which person are you in other people's life?

No person will purposely have a change of heart.
At the point in time when he loves you,
he really loves you;
But when he doesn't love you anymore,
he really don't love you anymore;
When he loves you, he can't pretend that he doesn't;
Same goes, when he loves you no more,
there's no way he can pretend he loves you.

When a person doesn't love you and wants to leave you.
You must ask yourself if you still love him,
If you also don't love him anymore,
don't ever not let him leave just to save your pride.

If you still love him, you should wish him happiness,
and hope that he will be with the one he loves most,
not stop him from it.
If you stop him from finding true happiness with the one he loves,
it shows you already don't love him,
And if you don't love him,
what rights do you have to blame him for a change of heart?

Love is not possessive.
If you like the moon,
you can't just take it down and put it in your basin,
But the moonlights will shines upon you.

In other words, when you love a person,
you can use another method of possessing the person.
Let him become a permanent memory in your life.

If you really love a person, you must love him for what he is;
Love him for his good points, and the bad,
You can't wish for him to become like what you like him to be just because you love him.
If he can't change to become what you like him to be, you don't love him anymore.

When you really love a person, you cannot find a reason why you love him,
You only know that no matter when and where,
good mood or bad mood,
you will wish to have this person be with you;

Real love is when two people can go through the toughest problems without asking for promises and listing criteria's.
In a relationship, you have to put in effort and give him at times,
not always be on the receiving end;
Being away from each other is a type of test,
If the relationship isn't strong, then you can only admit defeat.
Real love will never become hate.

When two people are in love,
They love to ask each other to swear, to make promises.
Why do they ask each other to swear and promise?
Because they don't trust each other, they don't trust their lover.

This swears and promises are useless;
Till the sky falls, till the ocean dry, my love for you will never change!
We all know that the sky will never fall, the ocean will never dry,
Even if it happens, are we still alive by then?

Be careful when making promises, don't make promises that you cannot keep.
Swear by things that can never happen,
because it can never happen, so no harm just saying it casually.
Remember, "Swearing by things that can never happen are the most touching!!"

In a relationship, what you say is one thing, but what you do is another;
The one saying, doesn't believe; the one listening, also doesn't believe.

Which person have you found so far?
In the world so big, which person have you found?
And who has found you?

*credits to my gorgeous confidante...who is 12,000 miles away..