Signing Out of 2005

The last of 2005.
Lawak gile TM ni, 5pm sharp all the phones rang - it's the mass calling system..
I thought it's one of those Tsunami Mass Alerting System that they are testing - all fixed line in TM HQ office will get the 1st warning call if the Tsunami sensor triggers. Imagine all hundreds of phones ring at the same time and everybody buat bodo, not picking up knowing that it's just a mass warning call. Irritating kan?
...but it was actually a mass New Year wish to TM employess (how sweet!! hehhh~)
Hangin je... Buat cuak skejap.

2005.
Alot has happened throughout this year, the most challenging year of my life (by far!).
My greatest achievements, my greatest downfalls - in love, life and career.
With the end of it, I literally feels like shoving the burden off my shoulder.
Only some...

Let me get the checklist.
So wat have we got from 2005?
It's a year of...
Pearl and Diamond Manager
TNS Launching
Last of Star Wars
Break up
Singleton
DEAL!
Wedding invitations (byk siot kwn kawin thn ni!)
My darling baby
Sister's marriage
Baby Arysha
Chicken pox
JGB 42
BHX 9116
Great Vacations
Moving Out
Moving In
New home and the swimming pool haha
Plus the neighbours
Gossips and Scandals
And much much more
Of love
Of life
Of career
Of growing up
Of maturing
Of rising and falling
Of understanding life
And walking thru it...
Of everything that matters

I had enough of rat race and dream chasing in 2005.
Alhamdulillah, i had the best and worst of it all.
I've won and lose battles...
For goodness sake, it was a taxing year.
And i think i need a break...

2006, I just want to explore different paths and become acquainted with unusual activities outside of my usual social sphere.
Gotto throw away those goal achieving checklists and give a shot at my outdated dare-do checklists.
Now is my chance to break free from the pack of hard work and capture something that my heart desire.
Give it everything I've got.
In other word - ENJOY! ENJOY! ENJOY!

Farewell 2005.

Happy New Year y'all!
It's gonna be a really really exciting year.
Don't believe?
Ask Guruji!
Nyet nyet nyettttt

Walk away

When i need a comforting arm so badly, I've got not one to turn to.
More often, I believe that there is no point of turning anywhere, coz I'll get lost anyway...

A friend asked me the other day, "Even at this stage, you really don't trust anyone, do you?"
A node to that. I trust no one. Not even myself.

It's really painful
When I find it difficult
To trust anyone
To open up
To hold inside
these tears and laughter

I'm happy, just to be me.
I'm sad, just let me be.
But I still need you
To untangle my heart
So I can be yours forever.

Recover post

Hi...

I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate today!

Ya Allah, please replace today with a better day tomorrow.
Amin.

Sekian, terima kasih.

"Bila bunyi bersatu, kau milikku"

When I almost gave up all hope to live (nehh!), my darling baby gave me a new light of hope.
I finally get to see my baby eye to eye last Saturday - for the first time.
Extremely excited, I woke up even before lalat bangun dat day... hahaa.

That morning, I went fractic when i saw a figure just like in the photo.
I spotted my baby in that crowded place, waiting patiently for me at the arrival bay.
I almost screamed, "Haaa, tu dia!!! Tu tu tu.. dah nampak dahhh!"
Maka terserlahkan kegragoanku tanpa tersengaja.
Jigz, control pliz!
Can't help it, man! I was so teruja!

He smiled, i know he was happy too. I was so blushed!

Shit, I was red with embarrassment. Rase mcm nak tanam je muka dalam tanah.

Needless to say more, two words to describe my baby

GORGEOUS
and
SEXY

It's like a dream come true. I'm the happiest barbie Mattel ever invented.

That one hour meeting (or mating? hahaha jigz on gatal mode) was worth it.

And he asked me for a hand in "you-know-what".

Could it be a double joy for jigz?

My heart is broken and I'm alive.
When I'm alive, I feel the pain.


Berhenti Berharap
by Sheila on 7

aku tak percaya lagi
dengan apa yang kau beri
aku terdampar di sini
tersudut menunggu mati

aku tak percaya lagi
akan guna matahari
dengan mampu menerangi
sudut gelap hati ini

aku berhenti berharap
dan menunggu datang gelap
sampai nanti suatu saat
tak ada cinta kudapat

kenapa ada derita
bila bahagia tercipta
kenapa ada sang hitam
bila putih menyenangkan...

aku pulang...
tanpa dendam
kuterima.. kekalahanku

Silence of the lamb

Some things are better left unsaid.
Some words are better left unwritten.
Some thoughts are better left unspoken.
Some feelings are better left unlearnt.
Sometimes it's just better to remain silent.

When you say too much, they'll miss your point.
When you say too little, they don't get you.
When you say nothing at all, they'll miss you.

Adakah zaman telah mundur atau aku kian mengundur?

I had lunch with three of my dearest frens tadi, who i only get to meet about twice a year.
(That's about the number of times i go to KLCC.. huwarghhh!!)
(And i just learnt that i have a fren that weight 0.1 tonne. Kewl gile!!)

They talk alot and they pangkah alot.
Oh, and they just lurrve making fun of me...
But i always stumble at every attemp to counter them back.
And i always ended up making fool of myself.
Atau bertukar menjadi tenuk yang blur.
Darn me!

Suddenly i feel so awkward.
This is weird.
I'm not quite sure if i'm even myself.
I know that i have lost my social skills.
But i didn't realize that i have lost my self esteem and my self confidence as well.
And my general knowledge has dropped from scale 4 of 10 to 1.

I was at the verge of memaki kebodohan diri when my hsemate called.

"Babe, ape plan kau mlm ni?"
Thinking real hard. Mesti nak ajak aku pi memane ni. Ape excuse nak bagi ni?
"Erm, tah... Maybe nak kena fetch Ayu tapi tak sure lagi kol bape."
"Jom ikut aku gi open hse malam ni."
"Kat ne? Umah sape?"
"Kat KJ. Ala, ade laa.. Meh la ikut aku. Aku nak bwk kau gi socialize. U need to go out and meet new people. Different set of people. Mane tau aku leh carikkan kau 'kenalan' baru."
"Huh? Gile!"

My friends thought my social life has turned from bad to worse.
Ironically, I thought so too.
Have you ever heard anyone go window shopping at SSF?
Yeah, that's me.
Yesterday, rather than spending my MC day strutting the aisle of my fav money-spending palace - OU, i found peace by shopping for household items/decor at SSF.
????
Yes, i know...
I feel kinda weird myself.

Lalalala... Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Kehadapan sahabat-sahabatku yang disayangi,

Di sepanjang perkenalan ini
Di sepanjang perjalanan hidup ini
Terlalu banyak yang kita lalui
Banyak onar dan duri kita tempuhi

Namun di dalam kita pengembaraan ini
Aku mengerti...
Ada kata yang telah ku nodai
Ada hati yang telah aku sakiti
Tidak ku tahu jika aku mengundang benci

Kupohon ampun dan maaf dari sudut hati yang terpencil
Sekiranya ada perasaan yang telah kuguris
Ada perbuatan diri yang dikasari

Wahai sahabat-sahabatku yang kukasihi
Dari hati yang suci
Kususun sepuluh jari
Agar dosa diampuni
Agar kemaafan diberi
Di hari dan bulan yang mulia ini

SELAMAT HARI RAYA
AIDIL FITRI

MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN

*gile aku leh buat kad raya camnih wahhahaha
Mungkin aku patut consider buat poem BM lak lepas ni hekss doink!

There she goes... a yuppie yippie yeay

I'm gonna have a big first date with my darling baby next week, InsyaAllah. Need to accessorise myself a bit hikss...So this is it, my mengada-ngada wishlist.

Within a year,i have lost all my watches (ilang/org pinjam tak pulang/org pinjam then ilangkan/ rosak/battery mati n malas nak betulkan coz dah tak suke). Therefore, i'm hunting for a new timepiece...

I saw this watch in Takashimaya a few months back, but with white soft leather with gold G links. Sadly, i couldn't find it anywhere here. Menyesal tak beli aritu :-(

Simple, but i think i like pink better, thus

Pink Sun Goddess Watch. Goddess bebbb!!

And I need a new pair of sunglasses.


This one looks abit like my late Etro sunglasses.. A bit out of fashion, don't u think?

Oh, now i have developed fetish over bracelets ;o)

Ekk, tetiba rasa gegirl sangat laks.. apsal ni?
Di kala bosan dan lapar, jigz menjadi tah pehapa..

Nevertheless, my ultimate wishlist is

D70 bebeh!! Got me melted all the way...
So jealous of xman, he got himself a D50... When is my turn? huwaaaa :'(

And,
my avantgarde wishlist...
Coming up soon...
jeng jeng jeng

She's all that...

When a GIRL is quiet, millions of things are running through her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing,she is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds, she is not at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday, she wants to be pampered.
When a GIRL says I love you, she means it.
When a GIRL says "i miss you", no one in this world can miss you more than that.

I was stripped naked last nite,hypothetically...

Esteem: D other side of jigz has always stayed within, until you ripped it off jst now. Tho i feel a bit tertekan krn my history being revealed, but it made me realized dat probably d root of failure of my rship is bcoz i refuse to let others know the person i was, dat made me who i am 2day. E'tho past n future never collides but we always go back to d root, don't we? Sure kau tak paham ape aku ngarut but thx 4 waking me up, dude.

Propagate: I do und'stand. Our root dvlps d strength of brothahud in each of us. No regret, even a slight of guilt 4 wut ive told just now. Its jst dat i wntd 2 rfresh d glory of our past. Bout ur luv, surely u will meet a much bttr prson. D ties dat binds btween all of us is d thing dat i cherish most. Sleeptight!

I used to live up to other people's expectation.
Now i just wanna live mine.

Let herstory remains with her

I was stripped naked last nite..literally.
Serious mengalir peluh-peluh betinaku (pasal aku bukan jantan so aku takde peluh2 jantan)..
Never in my rightful mind that my past life would be disclosed. The crazy jb life. The jiggy suey i left behind..

Sometimes people will look at me one kind je when they learn the truth of me - my choice of music, choice of friends, choice of living back then... Which i, until now, managed to keep it in my safety box, unless being revealed by my old frens. I listened, i read, i learned, i breath the idealogy. Though i dun give a damn 2cent of what people think of my idealogy and the scene but my reason of not telling - i hate people making fun of it. For those who never been involved in the scene, it may seem like "poyo siot!" Call it the poyoness of me... Lantak la. Aku tak kacau kau, pehal ko nak kacau life aku?!

I was a believer. But I was never an extremist. I knew that there are jerks who accused me of being a trend follower. I was there before it was even a trend. I was there before it was swarm by posers. I pulled myself away from the crowd and gone in silence.

It was a good life, good love, good music, good frens.

You know me so long, yes you thought you know me. Think again!
Sorry i wasn't truthful. It's just that you wouldn't understand.
You mainstream people sux.
Sorry beb!!

The other side of jigz stays within, until someone rip off herstory.

I'm a fisherman's friend

A guy fren likes to put a phrase on me, "Oh i forgot, you are not a GIRL!" He said it for 3 times last nite alone!

Let me tell you sumthing my dear fren..
No, i don't talk about guys with my galfrens when we hang out.. thank you very much. Tapi honestly la i think only school girls je buat keje checking out pretty guys. Ladies of my pathetic life have lots more to think of in life rather than wondering if the guy over that counter is checking on us or not. Women of my age aren’t talking about sex and relationships so much—they are talking about work and their careers. If you wonder if that makes us feel old, prolly..sometimes..

And dear fren....
Honestly, i don't really like to hang out with girls coz i feel so akwark. For some reason, i don't have much of girlfrens.. Really.. i hate the mengumpat, mengata, mengeji dan mengutuk other people and no, i don't think it's funny at all, i hate the gossipping sessions, i hate the "check-out-that-hawt-guy-there", i hate browsing thru girly mags and trying to imitate those aneroxic models, drooling eyeballs over latest fashion, trying out latest make up, seriyesly BENCI! Having studied in an all-girl school 80% of my pengajian rendah & menengah, i had enuff of these clones. I do keep in touch with these girls once in a while, who i gladly refer as my social frens.. I need them for my 1,000 name lists of my wedding invitation and get them to buy me wedding gifts and pics snapping on the pelamin sessions. But tell you the truth.. i can't last more than 30 mins hanging out with them.

In case if you wonder, my dear fren...
No, I don't wear short sexy skirts and i don't reveal my cleavage maybe for the fact that i don't have much to show. I don't put on make up maybe for the fact that i have too much coretan di pipi and i don't wish to make my face even more serabut coz dat would make me feel like menconteng arang di muka sendiri. No, i don't go for facial treatments coz it's really painful i tell u it sucks the first time i had it. No, i don't go for hair treatments coz i like my hair the way it is and i got it covered most of the time. If those are the characteria to be a chic and get hitched, thank you very much. I rather not be!

And sometimes i do wonder myself, my dear fren..
Mane la minah2 ni dpt duit nak mantain diri.. Banyak duit siot nak pakai just to satisfy hawa nafsu mata jantan-jantan.. Nak straighten rambut la, bagi bounce la (sampai skang aku tak reti beza straighten & rebonding), medicure, pedicure, gi facial la, fashion updates, make up sebakul, accessories ikut kaler baju lagi.. tu tak masuk contact lense ikut kaler eye shadow.. shehhhssss!! To be frank with you, most of the girls of this category that i know would get sponsorship from their Mr Big. Therefore, please don't ask me if i could bring any hot galfrens along when we go out coz really... i don't have pretty chics to introduce to you or ajak lepak together coz i think most of them are fake and i don't wish to see my frens get fooled by these clones! Either dat, or you'll find that my real girlfrens are not up to your Covergirl standard... and dat would disappoint you, wouldn't it?

And if you must know, my dear fren...
No, mushy and cheesy words don't impress me much. I hate sweet talkers. Oh, and sorry i can't be mengada-ngada and act cheeky... If it kills to be practical, so kill me! I'm a serious bitch, so sue me!

Futhermore, my dear fren...
I'm a tad too old to perasan chic. Just treat me as a fren ok.
That will do me just fine.

Why do i feel these days people take relationship like accessories? Guys want the Coverpage girls and girls want Mr. Big - the wealthy guy to show off to other people.
Everybody's out for fishing competition.. see who gets the biggest catch.
And love is just a word to be used as a bait.

For richer or poorer

I just had a lunch.. i rarely go out for lunch but i decided that i need a decent lunch before Ramadhan comes tomorrow.

While we were enjoying our last lunch before Ramadhan, my friend saw a blind man coming from behind me, with his assistant/guidance (whatever u call her/him). She told me that she didn't want to donate. I know she felt guilty, and didn't want to look vain at the same time. Told her, if you donate half-heartedly, better don't. I gave her an empty look as I, myself rarely donate for blind man, or any beggar as a matter of fact, who walks table to table.

Since i was small, i was taught by my mother not to donate money to these people. Beggar is a harsh word to use, but they beg for money, don't they? These people..Some of them are either partially blind,or they belong in a syndicate that use kids, old women with kids, and disabled people as their modus operandi. If you notice, these people usually come in a taxi or a van or any form of pickup transport provided by their mandur.

When I was still living in JB, if these people came to me, I sometimes talk to them and told them to go to Welfare Depmt as they have allocations for the orphanage, old folks, poor and disabled people. Tapi biasala, ada sesetengah tu..esp the Burmese ni slalu kong ajo, esp budak2. Cam nak sepak2 je rase.

If you lepak long enough at the stalls, you will notice they will come back after about half an hour. They will take turn in about 10-15 minutes (but these days you can see ramai sgt). For whatever reason they are doing it, I personally diss them. I mean, I pity them. Yes. But there are alot of other ways for them to earn decent money, and most importantly earn respect. And the saddest part is that, mostly are Malays. Cover muke sejap! Sedih nengok Melayu camni :( I don't care if you are some MDs or clerks or cleaners, all of them are the same because all of us are trying to make end meets by doing a decent job.

These blindpeople..They maybe unfortunate for not able to see the colours of the world since the day they were born. Or perhaps, on their journey of life. But it's fated, written in the book of God. They need to take a pride in themselves for getting the special place in Hereafter. But that doesn't give them the priviledge to degrade themselves by begging for sympathy while they are still alive. They are only blind, but they still have the energy, and most importantly, brain to think. Apela salahnye enroll themselves in a training center for disabled. There are alot of such centers in this country. In fact, one of my favourite dolly was one made by blind people in JARO. I taught that doll to walk, u know.. so cute! Got fringe and all!

Ladies and gentlemen, I am a strong believer (heks!) dat Malaysians are very generous. I love our community. Indeed. If not,Bersamamu wouldn't be success. If not, our government couldn't bring the Acheh orphanage to this country for adoption. If not, Mercy could be long extint. If not, Ahmad and Mohammad could probably be the real life version of "Stuck On You". If not, Ras Adiba Radzi could never walk again and drive her posh Volvo. All thanks to generous Malaysians.

However, if you really want to donate, please do so at the mosque. Or do a bit more. It doesn't take much of your effort. Just find a welfare center, a family or a person. Just ONE. Donate for that particular subject of your choice that you believe in most need of help. Every month. Tak banyak.. Seguni beras pon takpe. At least you know where your donation gone, and wat it is used for.There are a lot of welfare centers in Malaysia. Opt for the ones that really in need. Most famous orphanage centers have more funds than you think. And the orphans are richer than you. These kids get to attend alot of functions, meet alot of celebrities, get a handful of gifts and duit raya. That's why most orphans prefer to stay at the centers than their own home. Not that i have anything against them or anything...It's a fair share. I know, even though they are showered with gifts and lavish treatments, they are missing the love of their late parent/s.

But have you ever thought of those who refuse or not able to enroll in the centers just because they can't leave their family due to their obligations. At such a young age, they take responsibilities of their parent/s. These kids are the ones that we really need to help. They don't come to you. They don't seek for attention. They don't ask for help. But it's our duty to come to them, care for them and help them.

Choose your donatee. It won't hurt your wallet. And it will never make you a penny poorer.

Lucas said "My life is too short to become a film studio." - CNN

The theatrical Star Wars saga may be winding to a close, but the Force will always be here - into many new and exciting territories - Asia.
What else can I ask for?

I know it's not over yet.
I know it's not the end.
I know there is still a light of hope.
And now it's here... closer to me ;-)

With the return of Jedi Clone Wars, Lucas empire strikes back... bringing a new hope...to ME!!!!

My life's a bore, so why do u even care?

eeyyyyyyy!!!
I just realized that Jigz Dump Site has marked one year of its existence in the alam maya siber.. yeayyyy!!

Antara banyak-banyak, saya suka yang ini - My Remedy, ini pon ok gaks - "No...I said I love you SO MUCH!", Dan Change One Thing, Change Everything slalu wat saye pikir. Ini pon same One of those... of me. Haa.. ini menjadi topik emo kawan-kawan saya - Malacca, that's where my life begins... Tapi saye agak emo dgn yang ni Beauty queen is only sixteen.

Ade lagi ke yang nak fill me in? hehe...

Hmm....
Apesal aku rase cam pathetic je ni? Shit, i need a real life!

beauty queen of only sixteen

Life is the process of finding love,
every person will need to find four people in their life.
First person is yourself,
second person is the one you love most,
third person is the one who love you most,
and the fourth, is the one you spend the rest of your life with.

In life, firstly you will meet the one you love most,
and learn how love feels;
Because you know how love feels,
so you can find the person who love you most;
When you have experienced the feeling of loving others and being loved,
you will then know what it is you need most,
Then you will find the person who is suitable for you,
to be able to spend the rest of your life with.

Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person.
The one you love most, doesn't love you;
The one who love you most, is never the one you love most;
And the one you spend your life with, is never the one you love most
or the one who love you most,
he is just the person who happens to be at the right place at the right time.
So, which person are you in other people's life?

No person will purposely have a change of heart.
At the point in time when he loves you,
he really loves you;
But when he doesn't love you anymore,
he really don't love you anymore;
When he loves you, he can't pretend that he doesn't;
Same goes, when he loves you no more,
there's no way he can pretend he loves you.

When a person doesn't love you and wants to leave you.
You must ask yourself if you still love him,
If you also don't love him anymore,
don't ever not let him leave just to save your pride.

If you still love him, you should wish him happiness,
and hope that he will be with the one he loves most,
not stop him from it.
If you stop him from finding true happiness with the one he loves,
it shows you already don't love him,
And if you don't love him,
what rights do you have to blame him for a change of heart?

Love is not possessive.
If you like the moon,
you can't just take it down and put it in your basin,
But the moonlights will shines upon you.

In other words, when you love a person,
you can use another method of possessing the person.
Let him become a permanent memory in your life.

If you really love a person, you must love him for what he is;
Love him for his good points, and the bad,
You can't wish for him to become like what you like him to be just because you love him.
If he can't change to become what you like him to be, you don't love him anymore.

When you really love a person, you cannot find a reason why you love him,
You only know that no matter when and where,
good mood or bad mood,
you will wish to have this person be with you;

Real love is when two people can go through the toughest problems without asking for promises and listing criteria's.
In a relationship, you have to put in effort and give him at times,
not always be on the receiving end;
Being away from each other is a type of test,
If the relationship isn't strong, then you can only admit defeat.
Real love will never become hate.

When two people are in love,
They love to ask each other to swear, to make promises.
Why do they ask each other to swear and promise?
Because they don't trust each other, they don't trust their lover.

This swears and promises are useless;
Till the sky falls, till the ocean dry, my love for you will never change!
We all know that the sky will never fall, the ocean will never dry,
Even if it happens, are we still alive by then?

Be careful when making promises, don't make promises that you cannot keep.
Swear by things that can never happen,
because it can never happen, so no harm just saying it casually.
Remember, "Swearing by things that can never happen are the most touching!!"

In a relationship, what you say is one thing, but what you do is another;
The one saying, doesn't believe; the one listening, also doesn't believe.

Which person have you found so far?
In the world so big, which person have you found?
And who has found you?

*credits to my gorgeous confidante...who is 12,000 miles away..

So little time..

It's 5:47PM on Saturday evening and I'm blogging away...
*the heck am I doing with a PC on a fine day like this!*
Yes. bebeh! Am at the office.. Working, bebehhhh!

you better work ( cover girl )
work it girl ( give a twirl )
do your thing on the runway
i have one thing to say, sashay shante, shante, shante, shante
i have one thing to say, sashay shante, shante, shante, shante
i have one thing to say ...you better work, bitch !
...singing to myself a la RuPaul (so the very 80s hehe)

Kalau work on runway takpe gaks..Nih keje ngadap PC betulkan network customer.. watpe!
Tsskkkk!! Tskkk!! Shrug my head!

On the other hand, while waiting for the network test result, I screen my blog statistics and suddenly i saw a unique page linking to my site..

http://www.bitemyblog.com/blogdetails.php?blogid=357238
Huhhh?? Wadda heck is dis? I tot I have classified my blog as private?!

Think I'm going to see Qaisara after this la. Miss her so much, wonder if she can talk already. I still couldn't figure out whether I should teach her to call me Auntie or Mak Su. The latter one sounds younger je... hehe.. Yikesss!! Geli geli je..
Well, aby Cha... u can call me Jigz :-P

Dwell in Possibility...

Things that I do when I'm happy:

1. Go shopping
2. A personal treat at Sushi King
3. Indulge in chocolate or ice cream McFlurry Oreo/Sundae Choc
4. Hang out with friends - gelak2, lawak2, kutuk2, pangkah2
5. Listen to noisy and loud music, headbanging and singing on top of my lung like org gile
6. Grin grin grin a la colgate kindergarten schoolteacher
7. Write journal/blog
8. Sleep like a rabbit

Things that I do when I'm sad:

1. Go shopping
2. A personal treat at Sushi King
3. Indulge in chocolate or ice cream McFlurry Oreo/Sundae Choc
4. Hang out with friends - gelak2, lawak2, kutuk2, pangkah2
5. Listen to noisy and loud music in the car, headbanging and singing on top of my lung like org gile
6. Pretend to grin grin grin a la colgate kindergarten schoolteacher
7. Write journal/blog
8. Sleep like a tenuk mati

I do exactly the same thing I would have done when I'm tremedously happy or when I'm down with sadness. That's how I even out my emotions... I'm feeling a little oogie woogie at the moment. I'm lack of soul, i'm lack on esteem. My double jumble feelings is puching my head, beating my brain. I'm numb. Complete numbness. I got no strength at all.. In the state that I'm in. I miss you so much, it hurts.

Wake up and smell the coffee

I don't feel like doing anything today.
I wish I'm not here. I wish I'm not nowhere.
Interstate of mind.. When you're high and fly.

My hands are tied.
My legs are weak.
My heart is frozen.
I'm paralyze...
Because of you.

../tickle me to see this person's display emotikus image.

Izzit a During Menstrual Syndrome (DMS) or izzit a bunga-bunga sentimental day?

It just occur to me..These songs are looping in my playlist in a manner of the following order:

1. Love Song -311
2. Too Lost in You - Sugarbabes
3. The Trouble with Love Is - Kelly Clarkson
4. Secret Lovers - Atlantic Starr
5. Same Script, Different Cast - Deborah Cox & Whitney Houston
6. Menanti Sebuah Jawaban - Padi
7. Give Me One Reason - Tracy Chapman
8. Berhenti Berharap - Sheila on 7
9. Shut Up - The Black Eyed Peas
10. Forget Her - Jeff Buckley

Obviously la these are not the only songs looping in Jigz playlist but ironicly they are queueing up in such story-telling order. Funny, how it could make up a story hehekkss...

And obviously i have that much time, i could analyze my playlist :P

Just a note, LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS!!

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah perjalanannya. Panjangkanlah jodohku dengannya. Semoga dia sampai ke bumi tanah airku ini dengan selamat. Amin.

Live for more, alive for the first time

Time is tough, the sea is rough
Be it Nabi storm or Katrina hurricane, I will always stand by you.
I may not be your sugar lady but I'll be there in times when u need me
Just get home safely
I'll be here waiting

Malacca, that's where my life begins

Last nite, like any other Wednesday nite, I went lepakking with my "associates" hehhee.. This time at Nasi Kandar Sedap (it is important to note that the food contradicts with the name. Sungguh tak sedap!!) with a view of a sexy, gorgeous Lamborghini in front of me (uhhh beshnye... slurrppp!!)

I was so sleepy and stoned, as I only had 3 hours of golek2 and non snoozing sleep the nite before. Despite of my zombiness, I dragged my big cute ass to meet them somehow coz Nadz a fren just met with an accident earlier in the evening. N'way, just to release a bit of tension, last nite we just layan cerita2 zaman Alpha.. Ala sebenarnye coz ade junior kot.. When we open book on the Alpha years, each one of the guys has some pointers towards me.. One claimed that he was a nerd and I became his fren just bcoz i needed help in my studies and assignments. Another said dat i didn't even know him, let alone talk to him back then coz i was with the high class clan (tahpehape!). Obviously, I had a hard time trying to justify myself but if that's the role i play in their life, so let be it. Ok la aku pasrah, ape pon yg telah di-trade mark kan utk aku, aku terima seikhlas-ikhlasnya.

Nevertheless, i just wanna re-collect on the things that i really really miss during my Malacca year:

1. The short hair, Natalie look :P
2. Free hostel phone!!
3. Staying alive with full blast energy after dawn dusk and pengsan during daytime.
4. Ghost hunting sessions
5. Watching Laser Disc with the gang (particularly of that Booty Call movie..hahaha wicked!)
6. Me being warded for food poisoning/gastric, then ran away from the hospital on the 2nd day and 3 hours later i was back on the hospital bed :( *deepest love and appreciation to my frens who sent me to the hospital, visited (sampai sanggup sneak in), took care of me, and buat riot kat ward*
7. Girl nite out at Equatorial, pampered with lotsa pizza and cheese cakes ;-)
8. Supper at Daud seriyesssss!!
9. Nine (tah apsal tah Zach letak name Nine pastu dah tukar nama dah) GREASE!
10. Food hunting! My mom said i was at my chubbiest mode when i was in Malacca. Seriyes food kat Melaka sedap nak mampos! Nyum nyum nyummm...
11. Hanging out and playing beach soccer at Pantai Klebang.
12. A road trip MLK(BBQ)-KL(Supper@Bangsar)-KLIA(Breakfast)-MLK(Lunch)-JB(Dinner) all in a day. AKA a frenship trip to visit Amy yang chicken pox hihii
13. Those adventurous JB-Mlk trips on Babarthe's Honda Civic yang lantai berlubang leh nampak jalan n sampai2 hostel engine terus berasap; and also my Charade yang dengan jayanya menghantar kawan-kawanku pulang beraya di KL tetapi mengaku kalah di Kajang on d way to JB yang menyebabkan Filza and i stranded at KL just few days before Raya. hukss...
14. The Cyber trips and ZERO Party.
15. And the most most importantly... Those crazy frens, and all other crazy things that we did.. Also the games - belon acah (aka galah panjang), suck and kiss, card tricks, telur&tepung war, cake bashing, BBQ... (cepat, ape lagi yg i nak kene senaraikan ni?)

Ok, that's enough! If i were to list everything, i need to make a journal instead..

During my FOSEE year, everyday was a joyful day. Seriously..I love every single bit of it.. Life in uni was all about fun fun fun. The best part is that we don't have to party hard and be wild to just to have a blast. Just doing those stupid activities, which mostly does not require us to fork out our money... We were so restless.. i miss those times. Life has been creeping up on us so badly that we dont have time to spend together like the younger years (mcm dah tua sgt je).

If my emotions were a bank, I might be feeling just a touch overdrawn right now. It's always nice to feel a little nostalgia for days of yore, but it doesn't mean that I want to stay stuck in the past. Those are just memories that I love to cherish.

AND, in 24 hours - jojie's home!!! Yeayyyy... (alaa.. if it's u who's coming back, i definitely put ur name pulak. So pengajaran - GO ABROAD and BE MISSED!)

To dear frens, though this entry created much of a back-fire towards me, i won't comply to your request of putting everyone's name :-P (saya mempunyai kawan-kawan yang teramat emo apabila nama-nama mereka tidak diglamerkan. Kenapa ek?). Even though I am still quite at my emo mode (the "invitation conflict" case is NOT OVER yet, ppl! + my much-hated-absence of yesterday's get-together *sob* *sob*) but just wanna let u know that i truly truly cherish and appreciate your frenship *big hug~!* (eeekkkk.. jiwang la plak! geli jek!). Ada org menyampah if i talk about this 'friendship bond'. I don't say sweet things often, so beat it my fren! Nasib la, my blog - my territory.

Updated: 13 Sept 05 -> karena aku kalah dengan bullet-bullet mereka di kala ku keseorangan berjuang di medan perang Malacca Entry. Demmm!

Penantian Suatu Penyiksaan

Menanti Sebuah Jawaban
by Padi

Aku tak bisa luluhkan hatimu
Dan aku tak bisa menyentuh cintamu
Seiring jejak kakiku bergetar
Aku tak terpagut oleh cintamu
Menelusup hariku dengan harapan
Namun kau masih terdiam membisu

Sepenuhnya aku ingin memelukmu
Mendekap penuh harapan 'tuk mencintaimu
Setulusnya aku akan terus menunggu
Menanti sebuah jawaban 'tuk memilikimu

Betapa piluhnya rindu menusuk jiwaku
Semoga kau tahu isi hatiku
Dan seiring waktu yang terus berputar
Aku masih terhanyut dalam mimpiku

I just wanna be with you, whatever it may cost...

Friday I'm in love...*wink*

I, Jigz hereby announce that I have a confession to make. I have a new love interest. I'm in love with someone I've never met before. My baby will be coming to town by end of the month...insyaAllah. I pray hard. I can't wait. Uhhh, I'm so in love...

True Blue

As nostalgic as you're feeling at the moment, it would be easy to let yourself get down in the dumps. But what purpose would that serve? We all think there's something we'd do differently if we had the chance, but why dwell on changing the past? Everything you've ever done has made you the person you are today. Be glad for everything that's happened, good and bad, and look to the future. Life couldn't be more beautiful than this... Ermm, yes it can, i know but praise the Lord for all that He've given me.

*Credits to my wonderful new home and the lovely people who live in it... and the very big swimming pool besh beshhhh!! And ice-cream and curry puff IKEA and OU and Spaghetti Bolognese @ Tmn Megah and the cute guys who lives around the area hehhee (Chickflick!)

Sometimes when we think we want so much in life, we tend to forget the lovely and beautiful things that we have around us. We tend to take things for granted. Guilty as charged! I used to chase so many things. I tend to run faster than my mind could take. Eventually I get tired and I stopped. I walked slowly. I just don't want to run and chase life anymore. It's endless. I just want to enjoy the scenery and smell the roses. Even if I don't reach the paradise that I long desire, I hope that I still feel content with the life I'm living now. I need to appreciate the small things in life. Those are the ones that really matter.

I don't regret my journey so far. Tho I may have lost and found (hiks) alot of wonderful things along the way, I am so grateful that at least I'm given the chance to taste them.

I know I talk about this alot but really... I need to find balance of life and what it means to be alive.

"Lift your chin up and just walk ahead."

I'm alive bebehhhh!!!

Yeayyyyy!! I finally came back to life! Mama miaa!!
My Y! Msgr got up from sleep and came back to life.. muahh muahhh muahhh... feels like hugging and kissing sumbody.. I'm so excited i wanna celebrate...
Kalau rasa gumbira, belly dancing! Yeah! yeah! Kalau rasa gumbira, belly dancing! Yeah! Yeah!Kalau rasa gumbira, beginilah caranya.. Kalau rasa gumbira, belly dancing!!
Hahaa... freak! Terasa poyo gila! I dont care, seeing those yellow smileys and getting those blinking orange windows makes me feel connected to the world. Been living in the dark side of the world for the past 2 months, only God knows how it dooms me to bore-kingdom.

But i dont like the new Y! Msgr version.. the voice add-on features and some other craps just menyemak jerk. But who cares anyway! As long as i'm alive!!

On the other note...
NO! I'm not a big fan of AF or those Mawi WORLD! die hard freak! Seriously aku anti+benci+menyampah tahap gaban dgn AF. Sungguh mengecewakan hidup sebagai Malaysian yang fanatik dengan cheap reality shows like this.. Then sumbody sent me email pics of Mawi n Felix di ASTRO (wtf?) earlier today and i can't stop laughing my ass off with this guy's kata2 nasihat autograph kepada peminat setia...

Can you read that? He's probably the 1st celebrity who gives such advice... bagusssss!! I have a more direct phrase in my head that i couldn't possibly shout it out loud in here.. tak sesuwayyy utk budak2.. hahahhaha..

Angeldust...

There's a sadness in the laughter
a dullness in the glow
a tremor in the psyche-
that could only be seen by the one behold

The wound festers in silence
as I intently listen on
trying to grasp the hidden meanings
of the tears and its lonely song.

No sweet darling, you shouldn't cry
For what has happened is good for you both

You need to talk, I know you do
I can see it in your eyes
There's a sadness deep inside of you
One you can't disguise

It comes and goes but is always there
Can you share with me?
I want to know what hurts you so
Whatever can it be?

:(

Saya sgt pressure!

Still at the office all alone, doin endless work.
I'm so fuckin bz. I hate!!!! Argghhhhhh...
Tanak keje aa.. nak kawin, dok umah jaga anak!
Hukssss :-(

This is so cute...

I found this entry in a blog that belongs to a teacher. Kinda entertaining...

DRAGONS UNZIPPED: LAUGHS AND TEARS FROM A BOSTON CHARTER SCHOOL

At the Academy of the Pacific Rim, one of the traditions that we've cultivated is the telling of a middle or high school story at the end of our faculty meetings. Better than statistics on a newspaper or text on a web-site, the stories shared -- often humorous, some times heartrending -- capture the essence of what it's like to work in a school, where the unexpected is to be expected. Here's a small taste.

I. November 17, 1999
For the past two days, my 6th grade history classes have been studying the Code of Hammurabi, a set of 282 written laws developed by a rather draconian ruler of Babylon in 3000 B.C. Two nights ago, I asked students to come up with their own set of laws (for example, the Code of Tschang). Here are a few of their responses word for word:

Thomas J.
Law 1: If you fall in love you shal be put to death.
4: If you run from Jail you shal run in the desert for 20 years nonstop.

Andrew M. (a.k.a. the quietest student in the school)
5: If you pick your nose, you nose will be sewn shut.
12: If you don’t do your homework, you shall be thrown into a river.
16: If you play hookie from school, you shall wash the bathroom with a toothbrush.
17: If you cheat on a test, you will be forced to eat it. 19: If you fight with your sibling(s) you shall be handcuffed to them for a month.

Lamar D.
2: If a man knee’s a woman in the stamic he will go to court and pay a fine of $81.67.
3: If a person sells you a bed and the bed broke, that person will be hit with a teddy bear 8 times.
6: If you are over weight you will need to pay $4.00.

Isnard D.
If you wear your pants backward you will be called crazy.
Ketchup is used with musturd nor mayo, or you shall be burned.
If you don’t wear a belt you shall be punished by death.

Nathan G.
1: If you get reduced lunch and your not soposed to, the government will blow up your house.
2: If you make disturbing noises in class, thou shall have a break taken from thee.

II. March 21, 2001
I asked my 10th graders to write an 250-word honest self-critique at the beginning of the 2nd trimester and here's one student's response:
"I do not have a problem understanding the material. The way you words things (like on tests and quizzes) makes it hard for me to understand. The most complicated question can have the simplest answer. I HATE THAT!!! Also when I ask questions, your explanation is harder to understand from when you explained it the first time. Just make things simple, easy and fun. Don't make things hard because I aways end up with a bad score or homework grade.
I would also like to add that your class, math and science stress me out. I can not take all this work anymore. Now that it is third trimester everyone is focusing on MCAS. Now with the gray hair I have (mostly from you and Mr. Wood) 8 strands. Now it is pretty sad that the majority of my class can not live without sugar. We have adopted bad habits that we should not have until we are... well, around your age. We would not have these habits if we were anywhere else unless the work somewhere else is extremely hard. Some thing needs to change because by the time I graduate I will be dying my hair on a weekly basis.
On Saturdays (as you already know) I am at school for 3 hours of the Biff Paradigm program. On the 10th of March, we learned the definition of Paradigm. Mrs. Bracey told us that every teacher has a paradigm for each of their students. I would like to know your paradigm on me. Please be honest and truth. Don't worry about being nice. Be mean if you have to. I want to know the truth.”

III. April 4, 2001

This week is Health and Sexuality Week, where outside nonprofit representatives come in and talk about health-related issues. I was supervising a sex-talk from a Planned Parenthood rep to a 6th grade classroom – one of the most awkward situations you could ever find yourself in – and here are some snippets from that.

1. “Is sex fun?” –one 6th grader’s question
2. “Is it illegal to have sex outside?” –one 6th grader’s question. “No…in porn movies, people always have sex outside?” –another 6th grader’s response
3. “Why do people masturbate?” –one 6th grader’s question. “Maybe because they love themselves…” –another 6th grader’s response

IV. July 6, 2000

At the end of last year, one of my 6th grade students was walking on a sidewalk in the middle of the day, when a car came up, broadsided him and ran off. He was in serious condition in the hospital for over a month, and received an outpouring of support. Here’s an example, typed up by a special needs student:

Dear Simon,
I wish that you feel much better because I wish the car never hit you. I hope you are in good care because god is looking over you. I told my mother what happen and she said that she hope you feel much better even she does not know you she said that she likes everybody it does not matter what color you are and what culture you are.
Do you remember all those good time we had that time when we where on the basketball court and you pick me and swing me around and that time we did that play together and that time we was going to interview to gather but we didn’t had time to finish it I was asking that when you come back I would love to do the interview together.

Sincerely,Frantzy

V. May 4, 2001

One of the key parts of our program at APR is an all-school ceremony at the beginning or end of each day. These ceremonies are a time to give presentations, make school-wide announcements or recognize student achievement. This year, we’ve struggled with seriousness and appropriate behavior at our ceremonies. I was talking to my 7th grade homeroom this afternoon about the importance of clapping appropriately, not talking and -- my personal favorite -- sitting up straight during the assemblies. My opening lecture led to the following dialogue:

Yesenia M.: I heard from my mom that if you sit too long -- I think she said on a cold floor -- that you might get something...I think it's called hemorrhoids. That's when your anus gets infected.

Mr. Tschang: If it's that big of a problem, why don't you just wear two underwears.

YM: No...it gets too hot that way.

Mr. Tschang: OK, I'll go to the store and buy you diapers.

YM: [Silence--conversation ends]

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Monday
I was fooled by a stupid marketing scheme. Arghhh!! Actually i wasn't a believer pon, but because dis fren of mine sgt excited coz die dapat bukak coupon cabutan bertuah yang membuatkan die dapat peluang dpt Perdana v6/motosikal/some electrical appliances while i pulled out 3 coupons and all i've got was "Terima Kasih" note. But in order to get one of those big prizes, we had to spend RM2,950 for 3 "sure-get-one" electrical appliances. So we got this crazy idea of "why not? Just give it a shot" and that was the stupidest and costliest keje gile i'd ever did. Inilah padahnye terlalu melayan kawan sangat.. shishhhh!! Needless to say, maka dengan itu terbanglah duit aku secara buta-buta. Apa aku dapat?

1. Foot massager
2. Home theater system
3. Sewing machine
4. A huge so called computerized cooking place (entahlah tak reti nak define bendenye. Nengok skali, bwk balik dan haram tanak nengok lagi coz sakit ati)

Then we went back home sakit kepala mana nak jual mende2 nih and get back our money. Cam byk sgt duit je nak main lawak camnih.. Huksss sgt sedih dengan kebodohan sendiri.

p/s: anyone wants any of these, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Wednesday
Remote alarm control of my car went dead. Great, just great!! i dont even have a spare key/alarm. I was already late nak masuk keje balik.. dah la cabut lunch time tu.. cam prasan terror, i unlocked my car manually with the car key and the alarm went histerical! I quickly looked for a button under the dashboard to disable the alarm. Walaubagaimana pun saya tidak menjumpainya lalu saya buka hood kereta dan mencabut wayar di hadapan. Siren pon terpadam. Akan tetapi lampu kereta saya tidak berhenti-henti blinking. Hukkksss.. camne nihss?!
So i went to a service center and asked them to fix the problem.
The mechanic advised me to replace the motor. Hell no way man. It probably only the remote control problem and he fooled me to replace everything. And the mechanic left the whole thing on the floor without even fixing it back!

Thursday
I was so sleepy today due to a late nite hang-out. I was semi concious while driving to work and bangggggg!! I hit a car! Demmit!! The accident wasn't the worst part. Hitting a wrong car - whose the owner of the car is a nyonya yang kechoh and kiasu, that is. Calar sket dah kecoh mintak ganti bumper baru. "Hey, this is an Altis, u know" shut up u fool! I know wat car it is and like i'm so impressed? Cmon, get a life!! As if la i'm driving a kancil, i cannot pay u. Take the money, paint ur bumper and shut up! Malas aku nak layan. Tapi malangnya, wise of me to give her my business card. And there she goes... calling me and pastering me to get her bumper replaced immediately and she needs a rental car coz sending her car for a repair means she aint got no car to go to work. Wtf?

Friday
Coz i'm not so used to lock my car manually, i accidently left my car key in the car. Bijak, bijak!! Since i was late to office (again!) so like lantak la, lunchtime kang baru pikir.
Later at lunchtime, i asked the pak guard to help me and he said, "Ohh, ini ketat sangat ni, susah nak buat.. tak boleh ni" Buzz off u bozo.. Let me handle it. Hangin betul ngan pak guard yang tak kesiankan aku dan takde kejantanan langsung. Within 10 mins i managed to unlock my car with a long ruler. Nasib baik aku terror! huhuu...

Saturday
Seriously i couldn't remember what happened to me on dis day.. I passed out!

Sunday
And i miss him like shit...

Sweat & Tears finally paid off... ermm sorf of

Friendster Horoscope for July 20, 2005
Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)

The Bottom Line
The group gets lost, sometimes. So it's time for you to take over as leader.

In Detail
Ever see the movie 'Pay It Forward'? It's about a little boy who decides that paying back isn't the right way to go, and that paying in advance for kindnesses is better. That's the way you live your life, and although you'd never call in a favor, no matter how many you've done for someone, a bit of TLC you've issued in the past will suddenly come back to you. Smile, say thank you, and decide who to pass the good feelings on to next.

The energy meters
Money: 5/5
Love: 3/5
Attitude: 4/5


The bottom line, that is so true...
Alhamdulillah, i just got promoted (to be exact, worked my ass off!) as a DM, which is one hell of an achievement that i could not define whether i luv or loathe it. Of course, I luv all the recognitions, exclusive treatments, celebrations, respects.. But really, it's not about the glits and glams but my main objective is to help my friends and be successful together. The achievement does not mean that i can sit and relax but it comes with higher responsibilities, and "pay it forward" is what i promised my SSPs. Sweat and tears, i'm gonna make it happen, together with my dear frens.

It's 18:17 and I want to go back

Holding me all night long,
Cuddling tight, to our song.
You look at me with such desire,
Your passion burns hot as fire.

I want to see, I want to believe,
I want to ignore thoughts that deceive.
When you hold me tight and I get lost in a kiss...
I know I can love you... much better than this.

You're getting half, but deserve my all,
But I can't let go, afraid to fall.
I tell myself, "It's better this way,"
My heart, protected, no pain to pay.

I would be the one to fall
If I let go, and broke the wall.
Your face so sweet and so sincere,
My heart craves to hold you near.

But past mistakes haunt each day,
I tell myself, "It's better this way."
An open heart I lack and miss,
'Cuz I know I can love you much better than this.

When you feel the pain and start to cry,
I sit alone and wonder, "Why?"
Why the tears, can't you see?
I'm not crying, nope, not me.

Don't be so emotional, it opens doors,
It causes battles, emotional wars.
Sometimes I feel it, when unaware,
Strong sensations, to really care.

When you drop to your knees from misery's bliss,
I know I can love you... much better than this...
But I tell myself... "It's better this way."

When lonely crawls in..

In this life I'm useless,
I always dream of a perfect tree
I search and search for happiness,
but there is none to set me free.

I wrap my arms around myself
finding that's not what I need
I lay down in a bed of roses
but the thorns are just hurtin

My life is pathetic i know
I'm pathetic
i've been killed by my own life.
I'm like a droid
Lifeless, heartless...

Sometimes I miss the feeling of being deeply in love...
Being able to share happiness and sadness at no cost at all, being silly helpless and stupid with no worries at all, and feeling beautiful even at my worst...
Having to talk endlessly about nothing at all, having someone to make me smile, cry, frown, excited for no reason at all...

I got too much love running through my veins to go to waste... but i'd rather let love flow down the drain than wasting it on someone who does not appreciate it.

Don't ask any question and don't try to understand.
Life sucks.
Reality bites.
Truth hurts.
Honesty kills.
Loveme.hateme.Eat my sock!!

Poxy chick!

Hey peeps!!!
Wohoooo.. i was down with chicken pox for the last two weeks.
For the past months dok siang malam keje non stop, i think this is God's way of telling me "enuf is enuf.. you need a break". Damn, it wish i could keep the chickie pox for a month or so.. ada la alasan jadik couch potato yang ditatang bagai minyak yang penuh *wink* *wink*

Fret not yeah ppl, despite of the fact that i looked like a leopard with cute polka dot pattern on my skin last week, saya masih lagi secantik dulu hahahhaa :-P

One of those boring day Part I

Sekarang ni TM tengah restructuring (again!! *sigh~*) therefore tak banyak kerja.
and those between 9-6 : surfing, sleeping, cabuting, nyularing and wasting away.
So, like i makan gaji buta la... I'm temporarily a salaried jobless employee (how good does dat sound?! hikss)
Think will be having a seasonal blog.. Star wars season is almost over (hukss!), comes some stupid jokes season...

The Advantages of Breast Milk

A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk."

What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:

4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.

He received an A

10 Star Wars pick up lines

Demam Star Wars tak abis lagi.... hahahhaaa...
Top 10 cheesy pick up lines inspired by Star Wars.
Please.. don't you ever dare utter any of such to me, ok.
No, i don't dig these lines neither would i fall for any of these. But it certainly made me laugh...

1. "I've discovered a whole new way to create a clone! Let's go back to my place and I'll show you."
2. "If you're looking for a long-saber, I know where you can find one..."
3. "In time, you will call me.....Master."
4. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"
5. "If I said you had a mint first-edition, still-in-box action figure, would you hold it against me?"
6. "Wanna play with my 12-inch wookie?"
7. "I may look like an Ewok, but I'm all Wookie where it counts, baby."
8. "Hey! Did you just grab my ass from across the room with your Force Grip?"
9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
10. "You will go home with me. It is unavoidable. IT IS YOUR DESTINY!!"

And if you can't wait till reach home, then you pobably need this...

Huarghh huarghhh huargghhh!!

Rain

Alone, sitting, watching the rain fall,
I give my self away
to the water,
to the flames of the drops,
forever.
The darkness creeps in,
my reality is shattered
and I fall,
I fall into the dark,
into the deep,
into an illusion.
My fate has changed,
my eyes can no longer see,
yet, I give myself away.
The rain hits me,
yet, it slices through my body,
for you see, I am no longer there.
I am falling into the dark,
my illision now becoming my reality,
my eyes see, yet my body doesn't feel,
and the rain keeps falling....

-Kimberly Tasha Thompson

Re: SWIII Mission

Joj darling, as per requested.. aku post wishlist aku
Aku baru gi beli cap star wars ngan Yoda figure kat Burger King tadi kihkihkihhh..

My must have : T-shirts (size cute2 eh)



My wishlist:

1- Lightsaber (the metal one with neon light, not the plastic one)
2- Illustration book
3- Action figure of Anakin/Yoda/Amidala/Mace Windu/Clone Trooper
4- Any merchandise that are cheap and kewl. i.e:

1.

2.

3.
Anything la... From the smallest thing to the biggest so i really dont mind u buy me just about anything. Be it sticker (car sticker would be kewl hikss), organizer, keychain, mug, jar, action figures, life-size standing poster, bunting, toys sume aku nakkkkkkkk!!
I dont mind if u got them free for buying burgers or cereals.. Aku nak joj.... aku nakkk sumeee
*bodo gile kat kl nih takde merchandise langsung! Hasbro Inc pon tak wat promo. I guess i have to go hunting in singapore this weekend*
Pastu kan, kalau kau nak beli aku belated bday present, aku propose Monopoly Star Wars Collectors Edition keh darling. Plizz eh.. aku jeles ngan opismate aku, die ade satu.

Aku tak kira la kalau perasaan aku jadik tamak haloba tapi jasamu akan ku kenang hingga ke hujung dunia hiksss...
Luv u loads babe.
Miss ya sooo much *muaaahhhsss*

p/s: tak siap upload gambar lg ni esok aku sambung coz nak balik.. byers!

Dear Joj...

Just now, I buzzed my sweet darling so-called twin sister Jojie, who is now in London.
BUZZ!!!
louvre: yo
jigz: pe cer?
louvre: same ol same ol
louvre: ape cer
jigz: weiiii
jigz: belikan aku star wars merchandise plizzzzzzzzzzzzz
louvre: ahhahahahahha
louvre: aku dah agak dah
louvre: kalau msg aku ni
louvre: mesti ade ape2 la tu
jigz: aku kensel la lauren kau tu
jigz: alaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
jigz: hahahha siot je
louvre: lauren apa?
jigz: laura ashley
jigz: isn't it where u work?
jigz: i forgot already
louvre: bagus la ojie
louvre: kau telah mengconvincekan aku
louvre: kenape aku patut beli star wars kau tu
louvre: sbb kau lupa mana aku keje
louvre: bagus bagus
jigz: :D
jigz: shit
jigz: isn't it laura ashley?
jigz: isn't it ...?
louvre: ok la ojie
louvre: gtg now
louvre: email aku (kalau ingat lagi aku nye email add)
louvre: dan kasi 10 alasan nape aku patut beli star wars kau
jigz: :))
jigz: demmmm
jigz: my bad :(

Shit, apa 10 alasan aku ni?
Tapi betul la die keje Laura Ashley!

Another wasted day

People were over exageratting today's date n time with those 05:05am/pm on 05/05/05. "It happens only once in ur lifetime and and bla bla bla". And the funniest thing is that people were like wishing each other for the "special" moment. Some even thought of doing something crazy or memorable today.
Yeah, then comes 06:06 on 06/06/06, then 07:07 on 07/07/07 then 08:08 on 08/08/08.
And also there are 20/05/2005 (alot of wedding on this date) and 20/06/2006 and 20/07/2005 and the list goes on.
But the thing is that, every second or even milisecond of ur life is unique.
Irregardless of the number, it is still precious for every other human being... The number might be pretty kewl but if u let the time goes by with emptiness pon tak guna gaks.

Saying so, my life is wasted today! Bangun lambat, gi keje lambat, long breakfast then comes lunch, read blogs and watever stupid stuff i can think of doing.
Going back... nak main Star Wars Monopoly. Sorang sorang pon jadik la.. Yeayyy~!! (Freak! - NOT!)

One of those... of me.

I should've ______________
But I didn't.
So, therefore _____________
And I surrender.

How often do you encounter this thought?
This 'thought-connector' has been a default story of my life far too many times than i could even remember.
Sometimes, quitting is more tiring than fighting.

My 1st attemp to blogging...

Browse around myspace and i feel like pasting back my 1st ever post on any blog... Boring kan, dah takde mende dah nak taruk.. It's 22:05 and I'm still in the office...Balik la ape lagi.. Cheers!

---------------------------------------(@-------------------------------

Thursday, January 29, 2004

March and Mars

Do u know that the name of the month March derives from the planet Mars?
Since i was born in March, i want to believe that i actually belong in Mars, not planet Earth. But, if women are from Venus and men are from Mars, where do i go? Among the men in Mars? uhhh~ it's getting hot in here!

But then again, the Ancient dudes believed that Mars (in Greek:Ares) is God of War. So if i'm to be left alone (well, maybe i shouldn't be greedy..) ok, if women who were born in March are to be placed in Mars with our counterpart, that is very dangerous. If the planet has only men on it, it coulda, shoulda, woulda leads to war. The planet is not really safe for the women coz history shows that Wars (on earth.. I'm not sure if on Mars too) were created by men and for men only (as they came from the planet God of War :P)

Therefore, i dont want to be in Mars, neither Venus. Maybe i'll do just fine here on earth :) Coz women who rock the cradle can rock the world.. see that?!! hey, i'm a Rock chick!

p/s: was George Lucas thinking of Mars when he created Star Wars?

10 reasons why I feel gloomy today

1. My day started with a scream! I certainly can't forget that scream for the rest of my life.
2. My mom put a sour face when i waved her goodbye yesterday. I am so disturbed. She never did that before.. why??
3. I fell asleep with my t-shirt and jeans on.. which means i wasn't prepared to go sleep and I missed my prayer..
   
4. I did not have a good sleep.. i wasn't even sure if i was asleep at all and i woke up feeling miserable.
5. Fieya greeted me "Morning!" Now..that's a damn rare occasion! And the living room was occupied with her bags and clothes.. yeah she was packing for Japan :( hukss.. And God, The Pianist was on the idiot box!!~
6. I had a breakfast this morning with my 'breakfast partner', a schoolfren. Despite of her long history of being a "socialist" and a major flirt, her so-called permanent part time boyfriend asked her for a hand in marriage and she turned to me for advice. The thing is, i managed to talk her into settling down and all those shit which i have a hard time injecting them in my mind rite now... and tadaaa.. she's getting engaged next month! And just to add on to that, i made a joke with my GM's PA and she made a remark that i could be an old spinster by making such joke (whoooaattt?!)
7. My GM's PA showed me a fax from our VP. It was a one-liner requesting for a written explanation on issues of the project I'm currently working on. A fax? Man, he must be pissed already. Now i'm waiting to be called into the lion's den (read: GM's office).
8. I was suppose to run errands at lunchtime - exchange the Charle and cash in my cheque. And u know what, i was totally free today and i forgot!
9. I have been hunting for ppl who owe me money and they are getting on my nerves already... Arghhh.. Screw me!
10. Fieya and alliances are about to take off for Japan in an hour's time. Huksss... i'm so sad. I am so frustrated that i could not join them. I was so so so close of getting to go. But maybe lady luck was not on my side. But I really need to go off somewhere.
    

I need a break.. I need some changing air.. I don't want to go through another day here..like this.. Another boring day. Another headache. Another heartache. Maybe i could play one of the vanishing game.. Anyone with a magic stick?

Black Monday

It's Monday morning
Guilt and anger polluted the air
I have so much to say, it could burn your ears
But i'm just too tired
I need a break..

You know you are addicted to Star Wars when...

Got this quiz from blogthing
Come to think of it, it is quite hilarious...

You can recite *all* the dialogue from the trilogy.
Jigz: Not all.. probably some memorable ones.

You watch the entire trilogy at least once a month.
Jigz: Nehhh.. i rarely watch any DVDs at all.

You wonder why the SW theme never makes it into those "clasical collections."
Jigz: They didn't?

Any time you pick up a walkie-talkie or two-way radio, the first thing you say is "TK-421, why aren't you at your post?"
Jigz: Ain't got the chance.

Whenever you went anywhere outside with your friends, you always walked single file, to hide your numbers.
Jigz: Just because i dont want to be seen walking in a troop like Rombongan CIK Kiah

You've written several letters to the President recommending that he dissolve the council, put power in the hands of the regional governors, and let fear keep the local systems in line.
Jigz: Err, never. But I have raised issues about some senior managements to the Vise President and ask him to re-evaluate them... I have also tried to dissolve a project I'm currently working on.. Am i falling into the dark side now?

In college, after several hours of poker, you got thrown out of the game for suggesting, "How about some sabacc?"
Jigz: Sorry, I don't play poker.

When trying unsuccessfully to snare that last Cheerio floating in your cereal bowl, you remarked, "the Force is strong with this one."
Jigz: Never

On Halloween, you would never dress as: Luke, Han Solo, Leia, Vader, Chewie, Threepio, Artoo
Jigz: No, but i would consider Darth Maul (love his make up hihi) Darth Vader or Queen Amidala (hers too!)

However, you would dress as: Wedge, Porkins, Crix Madine, that spider droid from Jabba's palace that fat dancer from Jabba's palace, Sy Snootles, the Cantina bartender. The monster in the trash compactor, Boba Fett, An Imperial probe droid
Jigz: Tanak la.. tak cantik!

You've been pulled over by a policeman, and when asked to see your driver's license you replied, "You don't need to see my identification."
Jigz: I wish i have the guts.

And when he asks about your two friends in the back "They're for sale, if you want them."
Jigz: Hahaha.. never but i surely like to say one of those one day. hahaa

You have physically threatened anyone who referred to "Hans Solo" or "Dark Vader", confused Star Wars with Star Trek, or spellied Wookiee with only one "e."
Jigz: Never

You have held up an onion ring and said, "Look sir...droids!"
Jigz: Haha.. cute.

You've referred to Wedge Antilles or Boba Fett as "The Man."
Jigz: I don't like Boba Fett.. i just don't..

You've bought a white Isuzu Trooper, strictly because of the name.
Jigz: That's an expensive excuse! Hmm.. my latest confession, I had to apply for a RHB Corporate card just to get a Star Wars card tag. Well, after a few beggings :-D I'm wearing it every single day.

While sitting on the couch with your girlfriend, she comments about being cold. So, naturally, you slice open the side of the cushion and stuff her in.
Jigz: Oh no..

You insist on spelling Pizza Hut "Pizza Hutt."
Jigz: Never

You dropped your religion and now live the way Yoda taught you.
Jigz: Never. Not in a zillion year.

You recorded all the new Star Wars commercials.
Jigz: Erm... used to download them during uni time. Latest, i bought an NST and a Galaxie mag yesterday simply bcoz there's a half page article of Star Wars in it.

You frequently experience insomnia and, to counter this, begin counting nerfs.
Jigz: Never

You answer the phone "Die wanna wanga?"
Jigz: Never

Whenever you buy a new appliance, you make sure to get one that speaks Bacchi.
Jigz: Never

You call your aunt and uncle Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen.
Jigz: Never

Whenever you catch sight of cars behind yours, you say "Fighters, coming in, point three five."
Jigz: Never

Someone else in your car says "What about that tower?"
Jigz: Never

You respond, "You worry about those fighters, I'll worry about the tower", and moments later your car slams into the water tower the passenger was referring to.
Jigz: Never

When a cop catches you speeding, you floor it, saying "I've outrun Imperial starships, and not the local bulk cruisers..."
Jigz: Never.. gile ape?

When someone apologizes to you, you choke him and tell him that you accept his apology.
Jigz: Hahaha.. that's funny. Can try that

You ride your motorbike through the forest at top speed, and survive after throwing yourself off just before it hits a tree.
Jigz: Beshnye... If i have the guts to do that, I would

You've 'wielded' a flashlight and made humming sounds.
Jigz: Hahhaa... a flash of memory.. i wielded any long stick and pretended it a light saber..hiksss

You wave your hand purposefully and 'use the force' to open and close automatic doors or elevator doors.
Jigz: Hey, never thought of that but kewl~!

You go over to a friends, go to his refrigerator, and crawl in throwing food and stuff over your shoulder and grunting.
Jigz: Have some manners please

You walk into an optometrist's office and shout: You will PAY for your lack of vision!
Jigz: Never

You have a Yoda figurine replacing the brand symbol on the hood of your car.
Jigz: Gila fanatik!

When accelerating your car to enter the freeway, you tell your passengers to strap in and prepare for light speed.
Jigz: Hahahha.. guilty as charged! Usually i will ask them first, if they are into fast cars or not.. hekss..

Your significant other dumps you because everytime she/he says, "I love you" you always respond, "I know."
Jigz: The first time he said, "I love you", I said "Thanks". After that i feel like slapping my own face for saying that. Silly me! Lucky he didn't dump me :-P

You quote Yoda to defend your political beliefs.
Jigz: Nope.

You have so many SW Trilogy GIF's, JPG's, MIDI's, AVI's, WAV's, MPG's, icons and text files that you're rapidly running out of disk space and have to buy a bigger hard drive just to hold them all.
Jigz: Campuslife is the craziest life. That's all i can say, thank you.

You have so many SW posters that you can't see your ceiling or floor, either.
Jigz: One or two are acceptable. I dont need a wallpaper

You have so many SW toys that you can't see your SW posters anyway.
Jigz: Not that much. That reminds me, I need to get a bigger cabinet for my collection. Preparing for the birth of the final baby next month *wink*

When leaving a restaurant, you can't resist signing Boba Fett or Darth Vader in the guestbook.
Jigz: hihiii.. good idea dude

You went through a state of depression when Chewie died.
Jigz: Nehhh.. he's too hairy for me.

You look at "big hairy carpets" with more respect than before.
Jigz: Oh, Chewie

You speak Rodian.
Jigz: Can't even speak Japanese properly

You punch out trekkies who say "Death star my ass, I'd like to see those losers take out DS9."
Jigz: That's mean!

With a blue-tinted plastic tube, a flashlight, two hours of a Saturday night, and 4 rolls of blue electrical tape, you finally complete your own working "Light-saber"
Jigz: I know i will fail miserably on such attempt. So, i'll pass

You listen for Obi-Wan while attempting to parallel park
Jigz: Err.. no.

Your father asks you how fast your car is, and you reply, "Fast enough for you, old man!"
Jigz: If I'm on for a slap!

You could have sworn you saw bantha tracks during your trip to the grand canyon.
Jigz: Hahaha.. nehhh

Every time somebody sneezes, you say, "May the force be with you."
Jigz: For other occasions... but not sneezing

The cinnamon buns in your hair start to grow mold.
Jigz: Hahahkkss.. cute.

You call your friend who is a midget Wicket.
Jigz: Nasty!

You refer to money as credits without trying to.
Jigz: Ermm...

You respond to any mention of the legality of something with "I will make it legal."
Jigz: Hahhaa.. this is funny. If the force is with me...

You start reliving the speeder bike chase on your motorbike.
Jigz: Ain't got no motorbike.

Someone tells you your car is old and beat-up, you reply "She'll do .5 past light speed..."
Jigz: Hekss.. good one!

You refer to getting off the freeway as coming out of hyperspace.
Jigz: I tend to imagine things when i'm bored.

You are POSITIVE you are force-sensitive and only lack the proper training.
Jigz: Oh yeah.. and support.

Someone says they will try to do something you automatically respond "Do or do not. There is no try."
Jigz: Hahhaa.. so true! That's my frequent phrase to my downlines.. I hate the word TRY.

By intense study you have actually figured out the location of every gun implacement on a star destroyer.
Jigz: I haven't reach to that level yet.

Your house robe is brown and extra large.
Jigz: I dont have a robe but i love to have the jedi robe. Where can i get that?

You type in the terms for a search engine as if entering coordinates, then shout "Punch it, Chewie!" as you click on search.
Jigz: Wow, that's quite an imagination.

You argue about whether Star Wars is space fantasy or space opera.
Jigz: I always have a hard time explaining people the concept of Star Wars.

You're out looking for a Wookie for your school's wrestling team.
Jigz: hehh.. no.

You nickname your car the Millennium Falcon.
Jigz: Not yet.. maybe my new car.

The last time a cute guy tried to hug you, your hands were dirty.
Jigz: Hahhaaa.. luckily, no.

When your mom asks you to clean your room, you say "Leave that to me."
Jigz: No, usually i said, "Sat sat" hihiii

Your friends share recipes for cooking Ewok.
Jigz: No.

You have a long braid in you hair like Obi-Wan in E1.
Jigz: I don't.

You call your boss/teacher "Master"
Jigz: Only when teasing him/her.

You went to the nearest recruiting center and asked to be assigned to the 121st TIE squadren
Jigz: Never think of such attemp. Crazy!

When asked if you want to be buried or creamated you say "I'll just vanish like the rest of the Jedi"
Jigz: So far, no one ever wish me dead. Fuh~!

You have a bad feeling about everything.
Jigz: Not everything. That's just the force of nature.

While partying with friends, you do your Darth Vader impression.
Jigz: heh, no.

You try to get your car up to .5 beyond lightspeed, in a parking lot.
Jigz: Never.

You call your girlfriend, "your Highness."
Jigz: For real?

You keep calling your boyfriend, "Luke," "Han," or "Lando" by mistake.
Jigz: No, unfortunately he doesn't look like one

You believe John Williams is the best composer ever (which, of course, he is!), and George Lucas is a god (which, too, is pretty much true!)
Jigz: I pretty much adore the geniuses.

While listening to the soundtrack without knowing the name of the song you are listening to, you know exactly what's happening while it's playing.
Jigz: Not really.. not all.

In foreign language class, you tell the teacher, "Hey! If I'm fluent in over six million forms of communication, then how come I'm getting such a bad grade in this class?"
Jigz: Mad cow!

When your friends confide in you and tell you their deepest, darkest secrets, you say, "You are far too trusting."
Jigz: Never.

When your dad says, "I am your father," you begin to scream uncontrollably and shout, "NOOOO! It's not true!" at the top of your lungs.
Jigz: That's mean!

You have ever thought the world would be a better place if it were like the Rebel Alliance/New Republic.
Jigz: Kinda.. but we all know that it's all fiction rite?

You now want to become an astronaut to see if there really is a Lando system.
Jigz: hahha.. not to that extend.. pleeasee

Obiwan Kenobi and Yoda come to you in your dreams and give you advice about tough situations you're dealing with.
Jigz: Unfortunately no :(

Yoda's little sayings have had a profound impact on your life, and you abide by them religiously.
Jigz: he's a wise man... and kewl. But i don't follow him that much either.

You've created lyrics to the songs in Star Wars.
Jigz: No. Bad at writing lyrics.

Instead of saving for college, you save up for Star Wars stuff you plan to buy.
Jigz: Guilty as charged. Anyone, please buy me the light saber plizzzzzz.... hukssss.. I'm dying to have one.

Anyone who doesn't like Star Wars you proclaim is an Imperial.
Jigz: Kewl.

When you are ticked off at somebody, you send bounty hunters all over the place to find them and then you encase him in carbonite for a new wall decoration.
Jigz: Nehh...

When your alarm clock goes off in the morning, your reply is, "Unexpected this is... and unfortunate!"
Jigz: Hehh no.

When riding your bike, you look behind you and accelerate wildly by pressing down on the petal with your right toe.
Jigz: Whoaaa~!

You've kept the "good" action figures stored separately from the "bad" ones.
Jigz: No, i always put them facing each other as if they are ready to fight :-D

As a child, whenever you had broken something, your response was always, "It must've had a self-destruct mechanism. I didn't hit it that hard."
Jigz: Hihiihi funny but no.

You've refused to enter a cave/cavern/tunnel without a handgun and a large stick.
Jigz: Large stick.

When you waited for a friend to catch up with you, you told him to hurry up or he'd be a permanent resident.
Jigz: Hahhahaha.. that's a funnny one!

You've ever found yourself in a chat room, training Jedi.
Jigz: I wish i have an apprentice.

You've ever told your younger brother at the dinner table, "Use the fork, Luke."
Jigz: I don't have a younger bro.

You've ever roped off your Star Wars Action Figure collection, claiming it to be an independent nation.
Jigz: Never.

Hmm.. after all said and done, I really don't think that I'm addicted to Star Wars. I can't recall every single scenes from all 5 movies and I can't remember every single character.
I'm just a fan.. like any other people..
and it's always get me excited..
blood rushing in... every single time...

Watch out for Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith on cinema May 19, 2005.
35 days Countdown!