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Monday, February 20, 2006

PEMBEKUAN CUTI PEGAWAI EKSEKUTIF

From: Mustopha Hj Ahmed, Hj
Sent: Friday, February 17, 2006 6:13 PM
To: .All Eksekutif Telekom Malaysia Berhad
Cc: Tan Sri Dato' Ir. Md. Radzi Mansor; Dato' Abdul Wahid Omar; Dato' Adnan Rofiee; Dato' Baharum Salleh; Datuk Hamzah Yacob; Dato' Abdul Aziz Abu Bakar

Subject: PEMBEKUAN CUTI PEGAWAI EKSEKUTIF

YBhg Tan Sri/Dato'/Datuk/Datin/Tuan dan Puan,

Dimaklumkan bahawa mulai dari 20 Feb 2006 kesemua Cuti Rehat bagi Eksekutif TM adalah dibekukan sehingga satu masa yang akan diberitahu kelak. Sehubungan itu semua aktibiti diluar pejabat adalah disyorkan agar ditangguhkan sehingga tarikh penarikan balik arahan diatasSemua Eksekutif hendakalah berada dalam kawasan masing dan boleh dihubungi bila-bila masa sepanjang tempuh tersebut.
Sila anggap Pekeliling ini adalah PENTING dan diberi perhatian sewajarnya.

Sekian, Salam Hormat

Hj Mustopha B Ahmed
Pengurus Besar
Sumber Manusia TMCo



Bugger!!
I have applied a week leave to go for a holiday in China next month!
Huuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
Joj... betul la weihh aku kena mandi bunga kot ni!

Sunday, February 19, 2006

18SX For the eyes of the beholder only

It was worth all the struggle to get my ass on that plane to Down under.

Great places in Sydney... Manly Beach, Watson's Bay, Darling Harbour, Harbour Bridge, Sydney Opera House, Blue Mountain and Three Sisters among others...
I didn't shop that much for myself. Most of my budget went straight to souvenier fund. Kiralah sendiri kalau officemates je dah lebey 50 org, extended family 10 people already, housemates, close friends. Half of my luggage was filled with souveniers only, tu pon tak cukup. Deeply sorry to friends who didn't get any souvenier from me. Bukan tanak kasik, tapi salah bajet.. Ingatkan officemates 30 org je..Ramai rupenya!! So,first come first serve beb... Pastu ade lak kenkwn kompen coz dapat keychain je. Pocket dah kering la ngok! It's the thought that counts aa la

I only bought a few things for myself. Things that either i really-really desire or because it's too hot and too cheap to let go :-) These are among my favs:
The pointed shoes were the first thing I bought as soon as I hopped off the airport taxi. The only footwear i brought were my nike and a pair of slippers hoho.. So, I grabbed the cheapest high heels I could find at a plaza near my office in North Sydney before I go to the office. AUD$20. Cheap, tapi kalau Vincci RM60 dapat kasut lawa weiii..

I didn't exactly know why I bought this babydoll dress...thought of my housie when I first saw it. She likes to wear dresses and she could look good in that dress, but maybe I look better :-P I've never had a sexy dress before, and I don't even know if i even dare to wear it.. My colleague jokingly said to me, "Keep it for few years, wear it on the first night of your marriage :P". Now since i blogged it here, it wouldn't be a bedroom secret no more, would it? I saw an identical dress in Zara, marked for RM300++. Mine? I can say - less than quarter of that hehehee...
Lurve the pink leather jacket sooo damn much. Can't tell ya the price. Kantoi nanti takleh nak claim hehhe... Before I bought this jacket, I persuaded my colleague to buy an FCUK cotton jacket (yeahh, aku la setan penggoda shopping!). But she later bengang tahap gaban when I got this gorgeous jacket at the same price at Peddy Market. You can imagine her face when she saw me smirking while putting the jacket on huhuu.. Man, u can't even get a lousy Topshop jacket for the price of this jacket, mesti la aku proud hehehe... Pastu leh claim lak tu besh beshh...
The only thing is that, kat Mesia ni kat mane nak pakai???

Slipper Roxy je la lupe nak beli. Demm Down! Down!!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Days of Struggle

Many of my friends know that I went to Sydney for a week training last week. But what not many know is- the struggle I had to go through just to get there.
And i lived by the motto NO PAIN, NO GAIN for that few days hekss...

The problem – missing passport.

I went back to JB for a long Chinese New Year holiday, and not forgetting, watak utama - to get my passport.
My bro n family n I were supposed to head back to KL earlier than lalat bangun on Thursday as my bro had to go to work that morning. The night before going back to KL, I packed my bag, along with my passport which I tucked in the front pocket of my yellow backpack and zipped it up. I was very sure of that and I could clearly recall my mom asked me, “Passport dah masuk dalam beg? Jangan lupa bawak.”
“Dah!” I said.
But I didn’t want to go into so much trouble of unload my bag from the trunk and get the passport out just to show it to my mom.. coz I was very confident I have packed it - which later caused me alot of trouble!

The next day, I started to pack my bag for Sydney but suddenly I realized that my passport was not in the bag! Scheisse!! (Anyway, it's shit in German). I went looking all over the house for the passport but it wasn’t there. Then I called home and asked my mother to check if I accidentally left the passport in my room, and called my brother to ask if it was dropped off in his car. Later at night, the whole family made a rescue team to search for my passport and it was nowhere in sight :-(

Saturday
Rescue squat diperkuatkan dan dipertingkatkan with the search area diperbesarkan. Searched my house, my parents’ house as well as my brother’s house. Then the family cars including my sister in-law’s. I even searched in my office! Which is I thought rather ridiculous coz it couldn’t possibly be anywhere else except for my room, bag and prolly my bro’s car. The weirdest thing was I can clearly recall that I had safely put the passport inside my backpack that night and NEVER EVER brought the passport out, not even to the living room of my parents’ house. And I did not open my bag until the time I wanted to pack for Sydney. And I still couldn’t find my passport.
I postponed my flight to the following day.

Sunday
I woke up feeling miserable.
I called my boss and I’ve got free lecture. Oh, actually she got the lecture from the big boss first.
My colleague kept smsing me telling me to carik passport sampai dapat and get my ass on the plane to Sydney coz she was terrified being alone there.
U know la the riot with Muslims and all that…

Then, I went to bank that morning with my mate. Looking at my state (mesti dah gaya cam org gile), she can't help to feel pity for me and suggested that I should go back to JB and try to look for the passport myself. Even if I couldn’t find it, it always feel good to be around the family at time like this. And without much of a thinking, I took a bus back to JB.. sehelai sepinggang like dat without even taking a bath! Reached JB at about 2pm and I walked all the way home from the bus stand on a hot sunny day. My sister was furious but just I didn’t care. I just needed time for myself.

As soon as I reached home, I started the search but couldn’t find it anywhere. Kalau dah 3,4 org carik tak jumpe. What difference can I make?
I postponed the flight again.

That night my mother suggested that we go and seek help from a “folk medicine practitioner”. Seriously, my family and I don’t actually believe in such thing but we were like “what the heck, just give it a shot”.
Since I was little, I know that there are other creatures or spirit (whatever u call it) live in my house besides us- human. Hearing footsteps and other noises when no one at home but yourself is a norm to my family. My neighbours and few people who came to my house has encountered few incidents but that didn’t really bother us..coz normal la tu… bukan kita je makhluk kat dunia ni.

So back to our story, that night we went to see this man, who we call Pak Haji. He is not a bomoh per se but he is a religious man who has the ability to transfer his soul and connect to the other world. Somewhat like Dr Harun Din camtu but he’s not as glamer as Dr Harun Din la kan. He said that my passport was at still home - in my bedroom. It was a bit creepy coz he described my house and my room perfectly. ‘Somebody’ hid it, not because of bad intention but just for fun. He even talked to the spirit.
Now, if you were me, would you want to believe that?
I don’t believe in such thing but whatever works, just play along.
He told me to perform some solat sunat and taught me some doa to recite while looking for the passport.
One of the weird things he informed me was that I have a few spirits live in my body. I forgot how many, 3 kot. And they are all pretty ladies (mesti lah, aku kan cantik hahaha). These ladies often made me feel gloomy and sad. And they live by sucking my blood on my legs… And to my awe, I actually do have bruise marks on my legs that I often wonder where it came from.
Did I fall from bed? No.
Did I accidently hit on something while walking? Don’t think so.
But if you guys could give me medical reasons of how did I get those marks on my legs, please let me know. TQ.
These ladies, according to the Pak Haji, if not removed from my body, they will some way prevent me of getting married. Wohoooo~! So he did some sort of exorcism on me (well, don’t get me wrong.. the Islamic way, using zikir and ayat Al-Quran). Pretty kewl but I cant reveal it here :-P ohh and on my mother as well.

Then we went home and did as instructed by the Pak Haji. After performing the prayer, my mother went straight to sleep while I kept on searching. Pak Haji said that if I repeatedly chant the doa, I could see the vision of the area where my passport could possibly be left. Apparently, I did – even though it was not so clear but I did. It was at the end of my bed. I went searching at the corner but still couldn’t find it.
3am, I surrendered.

Monday
I can barely sleep..
I woke up for Subuh prayer and continued with the mission.
Then my mom told me that she dreamt that my passport was at the corner of my bed, tucked under some white, or cream coloured cloth that looked like bed sheet or cushion sheet. So, her vision was like the missing pieces of mine. Then I called the Pak Haji. His wife picked up the phone and said that she has helped me with the doa recitation and described to me of her vision, which is exactly the same with my mother’s. Spooky, isn’t it? Did a massive clean up of my room but still couldn’t find the passport.
Then my mother told me not to give up on the real world (hahaa..) and try to go to Immigration to see if they could help me. After lunch, I went to report for the missing passport and rushed to the Immigration. But by the time I got a photo for the passport and cop Suruhanjaya Sumpah, the Immigration counter has already closed.

Once again, I called MAS and asked them to postpone my flight.
By this time, I have almost given up. I called the Pak Haji and told him that I’m going back to KL but he asked me to stay for another night and perform another solat while he helped me with Yassin and doa, at exactly the same time. After all that, I still couldn’t find my passport.
Then again kan, maybe because I don’t really believe in the spirit thingy kot.. that I wasn’t really into doing it or talking to that thing… Prolly that was why it didn’t work.

Tuesday
That early morning, I decided to quit all those nonsense and back to business with the Immigration. Lucky me, my sister has an inside contact. So I could cut the queue and went in the office to meet her. I told her of my problem and she was very kind to help me. Even her secretary was so helpful.
I’ve got my photos, photostatted I/C, and even Photostatted of my missing passport ready. But I don’t have my birth cert with me. It’s in KL!! Scheisse!! So I had to go to Jabatan Pendaftaran to get a new birth cert. Luckily my birth was registered there so they managed to relocate the file and print out a new cert within half an hour. Impressive!

So I ran back to the Immigration, submitted the application form and get a letter for the missing passport. The lady who helped me was kind enough to apply for a new passport and Emergency Passport for me, and even gave me double journey pass to Australia and China.

While waiting for my passport to be ready, I called my agency to get the status of my Visa. I need to reapply for a new Visa since I will travel with a new passport. The girl at the agency said she never do any online Visa application with Emergency Passport before but she will try. If that is possible, I could save me time coz I could get the visa immediately with the online application and get the despatch boy of the agency to send it to my office. I can just grab it once I reach KL and I’ll be safe.

By 12.30pm, my Emergency Passport was ready!

The girl at the agency called me back to inform that online application cant be made with the emergency passport. I had to go to Australia Embassy myself. Darn! It was already 1pm!

I called the Embassy and was asked to call again at 1.30pm as phone enquiry will only be opened from 1.30pm to 3.30pm. I called my mom and told her that I’ve got my passport and will rush straight to KL to make Visa. She asked my brother to accompany me to KL, help me with the Visa and send me to KLIA. So I rushed back home to pick my brother up but he wasn’t home. Called him, he was at the bank to withdraw some money. Apparently my mom asked him to pay all the expenses coz kesian sgt nengok anak dia yg sorang nih dah struggle sangat. But I just couldn’t wait for him. Not even a minute. Time is precious. It was almost 2 and I needed to rush to the Embassy before it close at 5pm.

I called the Embassy again at 1.30pm and all I’ve got was “Oh, we actually open for public from 8.30am to 12pm. We have closed now.” I was like WHATTTT?
“But butttt my agent said you are closing at 5pm and I’m already on the way from JB. I’ll reach there at 4. Here’s the thing, I lost my passport and I just got a new one and it is really urgent for me to go to Sydney. My flight is tonight. Could anyone help me to get the Visa?” Yeahh.. more a less like that.
“Ok, I’ll find someone. Just call again once you reach here.”
And the line got cut off.
4pm???? Arghhhhh…..
It was already 2pm when I reached the Skudai Tollgate.
My fastest record was 2 and a half hour. 2 hours?? Gile impossible!!
Just keep my fingers crossed.. and step on those paddles
…80km/h
…120km/h
…150km/h
Hmmm not so bad..
Test power
…170km/h

Ok, I’ll stick to 160km/h
All the way, bebeh!

Any car got on my way, I beamed.
Kiasu? Refuse to change lane? It’s ok, I’ll change lane.
Road works? Only one lane opened? Emergency lane.. hey, i wasn't the only one. I followed the car in front of me.. seriously
It was an adrenaline chase and I reached the Sg Besi Tollgate – 4.07pm
Wohooo~! Made a new record!!

Right after the toll, I called the Embassy. The lady I was spoken to earlier in the afternoon answered the phone and asked if I could make it to the Embassy by 4.30pm.
“I’m not too sure. But I’ll try.”
“Ermm.. I don’t think that’s possible. It’s a bad traffic at Jln Tun Abdul Razak at times like this.”
“It’s ok.. I’ll make sure I reach there on time.”
Clik.

Suddenly a Chinese driver of a white Hyundai car with Singapore plat no repeatedly honk me. He winded down his window and waved his thumb up.
And he shouted, “Wahhh, gooood!!! Good la you! Good!!”
I waved my hand and was like.. errr… yeah, thanks!
Man, was my driving THAT crazy? Coz I noticed the white Hyundai car went 160km/h along the Seremban highway but I was concentrating on my driving and cilok-mencilok game, I didn’t give much attention to the car after that.

Anyway, I parked my car and reached the entrance of the Australia Embassy at exactly 4.26pm. Made it on time, kewl! The name of the officer that I was supposed to meet is Stephanie. She personally greeted me at the entrance, let me in the staff office and opened the counter for me. Let me recall you guys that the counter closed at 12pm and she waited for me until 4.30pm. Remind me to ring her and blanja her coz she was so the very helpful and friendly. She even hugged me when she sent me off the entrance gate. Like dah kenal lama gitu! And she is just one day older than me (“,)

Quarter pass 5, I had my visa done.
But new problem has arised, my battery went dead!
I drove out, but I didn’t really sure what to do next. I stopped at Saloma and searched for a public phone and called some numbers I could recall. Luckly, a friend was having and appointment at Pelita KLCC and was about to go to KL Central to send his friend off. So, I left my car at Pelita and borrowed his phone to call MAS and inform them that I’m on the way and will be a bit late. I asked the operator to check in for me. I got in my fren's car and enjoyed the sensation of the air conditions. Letih sangat, kehhh!

I reached KLIA at almost 8pm. My flight was at 9pm. Good thing that they have checked in for me. I changed my ticket at MAS office, paid penalty fees and additional airport tax and checked in, only to find out that my Visa was not updated in the system yet. Arghh… Logic la kot coz baru je buat tadi.. itu pon after office hour. So I had to wait for another half a hour before I could board the plane.
Ouh, and another problem… No one knows that I managed to get everything settled, not even my family or colleague in Sydney coz I can’t find a plug to recharge my phone. Then I saw a plug near the boarding gate and I begged the security officer to let me recharge my mobile for 5 minutes coz I needed to inform somebody to pick me up at Sydney Airport.

I managed to sms my housemates – to help me bring my car home, and colleague in Sydney – to pick me up coz I don’t know the address of the office.
I called my mother and said that I managed to settle everything and I was already on board. I thanked her for all her help and said I love her (something that I rarely do).

I boarded on the plane, and rest in peace.. literally :-P

That was a whole lot of story for a day, wasn’t it?

Now, the pissing piece

I asked a somewhat suppose to be a close friend of mine to take the car home for me. I thought everything was fine until I received an sms last Friday from her bf saying
Hate to break the bad news to u. Tayar kete u pecah kat pelita. Maybe ada org cucuk pisau. Takleh nak selamat dah tayar tu. Kena tukar tayar baru.”

I txted him back and he never replied, then I txt the gf and some other friends to get the real story of what actually happened.
Then I got to know that she didn’t take my car, she asked a friend (let me call him Helper, tho I know he could be reading this as well) to take it instead… and it was 2 days after I parked it there! I think almost everybody knows that Pelita KLCC is a private compound, which means it’s a private parking and solely for the customers of the restaurant. It is not wise to park your car for too long there, or there’s a price to pay. And honestly kalau parking hari Selasa and Khamis baru nak amik, I’m not surprise to hear that tayar kete aku kena pecah coz obviously la the owner would be mad at me, and the car for the 2 days free parking. Itu pon cukup baik la die tak clamp and calarkan kete aku. Bodo shial!!

I admit that I might be guilty for memula cakap aku park kat Menara TM and leave the key to my officemate so that easier for you to take it from her. That was the initial plan. But if you read my journal of that one stressful day, I couldn’t possibly drive the car to the office during the peak hour or else I’ll miss my flight. That’s why I even cc-ed the sms to the other two friends so that in case if you can’t help me, those two has already been informed. But takkan la budak 2 ekor tu nak terkinja-kinja tolong aku when you said you’ll do it.
AND I BLAME YOU FOR NOT TAKING RESPONSIBILITY ON MY FUCKING CAR WHEN YOU SAY YOU WOULD!

I had to send about 10 smses which cost me RM2 each and make at least 2 long distance calls to Malaysia just to get the real story. Kan dah menyusahkan idup aku!
Then I learnt that she let Helper who took my car to jaga my car as well, which means pakai kete aku sesuka ati tanpa bagitau aku. And she had the cheek to say “I’m too bz la sayang. Helper amikkan and jaga kete kau. :-)” Siap dgn smile tu tak tahan… Tak tau aku berapi je kat dalam ni.
Then I asked her back, why she let him use my car without informing me first.
Pastu minah ni leh lak angin ngan aku for asking her back.
I mean, wtf? I trusted the car to you and please la take some responsibility. Ini boleh biar je kete tu kat situ, didn’t even care to tell me that my tire has punctured and let other people use my car without informing me first. What kind of friend is that? Bende bukan seposen, dua posen nak sesukati kau je buat bodo. Bukan aa aku lokek sangat tak kasik pinjam kete tu kat beshfren bf kau. Aku bukan bini Haji Bakhil or kedekut tahi hidung masin cam kau tapi pliz la weiii.. Even if you don’t care to ask the permission pon, at least INFORM!! (if you don’t know the difference, one has question mark at the end of the sentence and the latter with fullstop). Itupon bf kau yg bgitau aku..few days after, that is.

Before I got back, I txt Helper and asked him to return my car coz I need to use it to work the following day. I wasn’t quite sure if he was still using it or not, just be safe. Not to forget, I thanked him for taking care of my car. That’s just the right thing to do, isn’t it?
I can’t get a sleep on the way back. I successfully watched 3 movies in a row – Intolerable Cruelty, Elizabethtown and Shopgirl (how boring could that be?). Then read a chapter of "He's just not that into You" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tucillo (my colleague got it for AUD$4.95. Murah gile, good bargain fo a gigirl reader like her) and played with a baby on the plane. I reached home at almost midnite and I was so dead beat, but still couldn’t get any sleep. Had only about 3 hours sleep..

Woke up in the morning jet lag gile babeng and I had an important meeting with a grumpy old Aussie at 930am, but only to realize that my car had been clamped for parking at other people’s parking space! Damnnn!! I don’t blame Helper coz obviously he didn’t know my parking space and I STILL BLAME YOU FOR NOT TAKING RESPONSIBILITY ON MY FUCKING CAR!

Once everything is settled, I hopped on my car and noticed a sound “krrukkk kruukkk” from the left side of my car. Darn, must be the tire. Yep, it was!! Apparently it was 14' spare tire while I’m using 15' tire. So my car wasn’t balanced, a bit senget and therefore made that awful sound. And then I wonder, how could Helper drive my car around with that state? There’s even sort of note at the side the the spare tire sayin “For temporary use only”. Why, are you blind? Can’t you read that? It wasn’t stamped there for fun, my friend. Just for the record, that’s the only expensive thing that I own and I worked my ass off to buy the car, TQ.

Babe, all I asked for is to drive the car back from Pelita to Bayu Puteri and park it safely there. That’s it. I’m sorry if that’s too much to ask for. But with all the trouble that I had to go through with additional headache I got just to ask a favor from a friend doesn’t seem worth it. Tayar kete pecah, kete kena clamp, and if kete tu rosak ke accident ke ape sume aku la jugak yang tanggung. Therefore, I have every right to get mad when it is being abused.

The thing is, when I asked the favor from her, she even said, “Ok, no problem. Have a safe trip.” My dear, if u can’t do the favor, just tell la. Jangan la bagi hope camtu. I’m not gonna diss you and end our relationship or whatsoever just because you are too busy with duniawi to help a lousy friend like me. But accepting the responsibility and breaking the trust without feeling guilty about it is not something a true friend would do. Aku tau la ko bz sangat carik duit, and nothing else in the world matters to you, but please la take some responsibility when you said you would. Even if you refuse, I don’t care.. really. Coz I know I have other friends that I can count on and are more than willing to help me…(if any of you who are willing to be my true friend, please raise up your hand and put your name in the comment so that I can put u in my SOS contact list, TQ).

I know there are some watak-watak tambahan dalam ini wayang gambar that could be indirectly terkena tempias air liur aku but I’m not mad at you guys. I’m only pissed with one person, and if you are the watak tambahan, you know who that one person is. And since that person is not you, please don’t be emo. This babe, she doesn't know the existence of my blog but if she finds out from anybody else, i don't give a damn. And for the record, this is not the only thing that I mad about. She has been getting on my nerve for the last couple of days... I might burst it to her even before the news break.

But the only thing is, as my mate put it, "U mengamuk? Camne u nak mengamuk? Boleh ke? Meh practice sket!"
Darn!!

Monday, February 06, 2006

What would you do?

What would you do...
...when everything that you plan fails?
...when everything falls into different places?
...when you encounter one disaster after another?
...when your hope dies?
...when your dream shattered?


I'll be gone for a while...
See you soon.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Catch 22

"Don't wait for me. I've got a lot to do. I've got a lot to be. And in the end, maybe I'll see you again.."

Day in, day out
It's not that bad
I'm worried, I'm worried
Never have to worry again
Never be.. never be alone...

:: catch22 ::

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

My beautiful disaster

Meet my baby...

BIODATA:
Name: Jigzy Pink Fit
Nickname: Pinky lady -->manja name: mybaby (",)
I/C No: BHX 9116
Race: Honda Fit
Date of Birth: Dec 05 (recarnation in Malaysia)
Place of Birth: Japan
First met: Love at first sight - August 2004 One Utama Foyer (actually it was her twin sister, Jazz which was on display)
First introduced: June 2005
First date: Dec 2005

She's my darling baby..
She's worth the wait
She's worth the pain

Coz she never whine and complaint
Coz she never can lie to me
Coz she never cheat on me (coz the key to her engine is wit me alwayss)
Coz she never hurt me (hurt my pocket tho!)
no matter how many times i hurt her (jigz the reckless driver vroomm vrooommm!!)

For good times and bad times
I know she'll always be with me

Who says love don't cost a thing?

Monday, January 09, 2006

Mengetuk kepala monyets

Dah 3 hari aku tolerate dengan radio bodo kete aku yang hanya boleh dapat station 2 station melayu RTM, 1 station cina n 1 station tahpehape.
Pastu station Melayu die cam sampah, aku lebih rela membebel sensorang dr menanggung seksa dengar lagu karat.
Pastu aku lagi pelik...
Pejadahnye Raya Haji pon radio main lagu raya?

Imma goin back to JB tonite for ketupat raya nyum nyum nyummm
Bringing my darling baby home to introduce to my family.
Nebes + excited, awwwww!!
Hopefully those monyets (my sis & bro) tak banyak komplen..kang aku sekeh kepala sekor2.

Anyway, Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha frens...
Tadi ada minah salam aku dan ucapkan "Selamat Hari Raya".
Iskk... feel raya ke ape ni?

Friday, December 30, 2005

Signing Out of 2005

The last of 2005.
Lawak gile TM ni, 5pm sharp all the phones rang - it's the mass calling system..
I thought it's one of those Tsunami Mass Alerting System that they are testing - all fixed line in TM HQ office will get the 1st warning call if the Tsunami sensor triggers. Imagine all hundreds of phones ring at the same time and everybody buat bodo, not picking up knowing that it's just a mass warning call. Irritating kan?
...but it was actually a mass New Year wish to TM employess (how sweet!! hehhh~)
Hangin je... Buat cuak skejap.

2005.
Alot has happened throughout this year, the most challenging year of my life (by far!).
My greatest achievements, my greatest downfalls - in love, life and career.
With the end of it, I literally feels like shoving the burden off my shoulder.
Only some...

Let me get the checklist.
So wat have we got from 2005?
It's a year of...
Pearl and Diamond Manager
TNS Launching
Last of Star Wars
Break up
Singleton
DEAL!
Wedding invitations (byk siot kwn kawin thn ni!)
My darling baby
Sister's marriage
Baby Arysha
Chicken pox
JGB 42
BHX 9116
Great Vacations
Moving Out
Moving In
New home and the swimming pool haha
Plus the neighbours
Gossips and Scandals
And much much more
Of love
Of life
Of career
Of growing up
Of maturing
Of rising and falling
Of understanding life
And walking thru it...
Of everything that matters

I had enough of rat race and dream chasing in 2005.
Alhamdulillah, i had the best and worst of it all.
I've won and lose battles...
For goodness sake, it was a taxing year.
And i think i need a break...

2006, I just want to explore different paths and become acquainted with unusual activities outside of my usual social sphere.
Gotto throw away those goal achieving checklists and give a shot at my outdated dare-do checklists.
Now is my chance to break free from the pack of hard work and capture something that my heart desire.
Give it everything I've got.
In other word - ENJOY! ENJOY! ENJOY!

Farewell 2005.

Happy New Year y'all!
It's gonna be a really really exciting year.
Don't believe?
Ask Guruji!
Nyet nyet nyettttt

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Walk away

When i need a comforting arm so badly, I've got not one to turn to.
More often, I believe that there is no point of turning anywhere, coz I'll get lost anyway...

A friend asked me the other day, "Even at this stage, you really don't trust anyone, do you?"
A node to that. I trust no one. Not even myself.

It's really painful
When I find it difficult
To trust anyone
To open up
To hold inside
these tears and laughter

I'm happy, just to be me.
I'm sad, just let me be.
But I still need you
To untangle my heart
So I can be yours forever.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Recover post

Hi...

I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate
I hate today!

Ya Allah, please replace today with a better day tomorrow.
Amin.

Sekian, terima kasih.

Monday, November 14, 2005

"Bila bunyi bersatu, kau milikku"

When I almost gave up all hope to live (nehh!), my darling baby gave me a new light of hope.
I finally get to see my baby eye to eye last Saturday - for the first time.
Extremely excited, I woke up even before lalat bangun dat day... hahaa.

That morning, I went fractic when i saw a figure just like in the photo.
I spotted my baby in that crowded place, waiting patiently for me at the arrival bay.
I almost screamed, "Haaa, tu dia!!! Tu tu tu.. dah nampak dahhh!"
Maka terserlahkan kegragoanku tanpa tersengaja.
Jigz, control pliz!
Can't help it, man! I was so teruja!

He smiled, i know he was happy too. I was so blushed!

Shit, I was red with embarrassment. Rase mcm nak tanam je muka dalam tanah.

Needless to say more, two words to describe my baby

GORGEOUS
and
SEXY

It's like a dream come true. I'm the happiest barbie Mattel ever invented.

That one hour meeting (or mating? hahaha jigz on gatal mode) was worth it.

And he asked me for a hand in "you-know-what".

Could it be a double joy for jigz?

Friday, November 11, 2005

My heart is broken and I'm alive.
When I'm alive, I feel the pain.


Berhenti Berharap
by Sheila on 7

aku tak percaya lagi
dengan apa yang kau beri
aku terdampar di sini
tersudut menunggu mati

aku tak percaya lagi
akan guna matahari
dengan mampu menerangi
sudut gelap hati ini

aku berhenti berharap
dan menunggu datang gelap
sampai nanti suatu saat
tak ada cinta kudapat

kenapa ada derita
bila bahagia tercipta
kenapa ada sang hitam
bila putih menyenangkan...

aku pulang...
tanpa dendam
kuterima.. kekalahanku

Silence of the lamb

Some things are better left unsaid.
Some words are better left unwritten.
Some thoughts are better left unspoken.
Some feelings are better left unlearnt.
Sometimes it's just better to remain silent.

When you say too much, they'll miss your point.
When you say too little, they don't get you.
When you say nothing at all, they'll miss you.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Adakah zaman telah mundur atau aku kian mengundur?

I had lunch with three of my dearest frens tadi, who i only get to meet about twice a year.
(That's about the number of times i go to KLCC.. huwarghhh!!)
(And i just learnt that i have a fren that weight 0.1 tonne. Kewl gile!!)

They talk alot and they pangkah alot.
Oh, and they just lurrve making fun of me...
But i always stumble at every attemp to counter them back.
And i always ended up making fool of myself.
Atau bertukar menjadi tenuk yang blur.
Darn me!

Suddenly i feel so awkward.
This is weird.
I'm not quite sure if i'm even myself.
I know that i have lost my social skills.
But i didn't realize that i have lost my self esteem and my self confidence as well.
And my general knowledge has dropped from scale 4 of 10 to 1.

I was at the verge of memaki kebodohan diri when my hsemate called.

"Babe, ape plan kau mlm ni?"
Thinking real hard. Mesti nak ajak aku pi memane ni. Ape excuse nak bagi ni?
"Erm, tah... Maybe nak kena fetch Ayu tapi tak sure lagi kol bape."
"Jom ikut aku gi open hse malam ni."
"Kat ne? Umah sape?"
"Kat KJ. Ala, ade laa.. Meh la ikut aku. Aku nak bwk kau gi socialize. U need to go out and meet new people. Different set of people. Mane tau aku leh carikkan kau 'kenalan' baru."
"Huh? Gile!"

My friends thought my social life has turned from bad to worse.
Ironically, I thought so too.
Have you ever heard anyone go window shopping at SSF?
Yeah, that's me.
Yesterday, rather than spending my MC day strutting the aisle of my fav money-spending palace - OU, i found peace by shopping for household items/decor at SSF.
????
Yes, i know...
I feel kinda weird myself.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Lalalala... Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Kehadapan sahabat-sahabatku yang disayangi,

Di sepanjang perkenalan ini
Di sepanjang perjalanan hidup ini
Terlalu banyak yang kita lalui
Banyak onar dan duri kita tempuhi

Namun di dalam kita pengembaraan ini
Aku mengerti...
Ada kata yang telah ku nodai
Ada hati yang telah aku sakiti
Tidak ku tahu jika aku mengundang benci

Kupohon ampun dan maaf dari sudut hati yang terpencil
Sekiranya ada perasaan yang telah kuguris
Ada perbuatan diri yang dikasari

Wahai sahabat-sahabatku yang kukasihi
Dari hati yang suci
Kususun sepuluh jari
Agar dosa diampuni
Agar kemaafan diberi
Di hari dan bulan yang mulia ini

SELAMAT HARI RAYA
AIDIL FITRI

MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN





*gile aku leh buat kad raya camnih wahhahaha
Mungkin aku patut consider buat poem BM lak lepas ni hekss doink!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

There she goes... a yuppie yippie yeay

I'm gonna have a big first date with my darling baby next week, InsyaAllah. Need to accessorise myself a bit hikss...So this is it, my mengada-ngada wishlist.

Within a year,i have lost all my watches (ilang/org pinjam tak pulang/org pinjam then ilangkan/ rosak/battery mati n malas nak betulkan coz dah tak suke). Therefore, i'm hunting for a new timepiece...

I saw this watch in Takashimaya a few months back, but with white soft leather with gold G links. Sadly, i couldn't find it anywhere here. Menyesal tak beli aritu :-(




Simple, but i think i like pink better, thus
Pink Sun Goddess Watch. Goddess bebbb!!

And I need a new pair of sunglasses.


This one looks abit like my late Etro sunglasses.. A bit out of fashion, don't u think?

Oh, now i have developed fetish over bracelets ;o)

Ekk, tetiba rasa gegirl sangat laks.. apsal ni?
Di kala bosan dan lapar, jigz menjadi tah pehapa..


Nevertheless, my ultimate wishlist is

D70 bebeh!! Got me melted all the way...
So jealous of xman, he got himself a D50... When is my turn? huwaaaa :'(

And,
my avantgarde wishlist...
Coming up soon...
jeng jeng jeng

She's all that...

When a GIRL is quiet, millions of things are running through her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing,she is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds, she is not at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday, she wants to be pampered.
When a GIRL says I love you, she means it.
When a GIRL says "i miss you", no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I was stripped naked last nite,hypothetically...

Esteem: D other side of jigz has always stayed within, until you ripped it off jst now. Tho i feel a bit tertekan krn my history being revealed, but it made me realized dat probably d root of failure of my rship is bcoz i refuse to let others know the person i was, dat made me who i am 2day. E'tho past n future never collides but we always go back to d root, don't we? Sure kau tak paham ape aku ngarut but thx 4 waking me up, dude.

Propagate: I do und'stand. Our root dvlps d strength of brothahud in each of us. No regret, even a slight of guilt 4 wut ive told just now. Its jst dat i wntd 2 rfresh d glory of our past. Bout ur luv, surely u will meet a much bttr prson. D ties dat binds btween all of us is d thing dat i cherish most. Sleeptight!

I used to live up to other people's expectation.
Now i just wanna live mine.

Let herstory remains with her

I was stripped naked last nite..literally.
Serious mengalir peluh-peluh betinaku (pasal aku bukan jantan so aku takde peluh2 jantan)..
Never in my rightful mind that my past life would be disclosed. The crazy jb life. The jiggy suey i left behind..

Sometimes people will look at me one kind je when they learn the truth of me - my choice of music, choice of friends, choice of living back then... Which i, until now, managed to keep it in my safety box, unless being revealed by my old frens. I listened, i read, i learned, i breath the idealogy. Though i dun give a damn 2cent of what people think of my idealogy and the scene but my reason of not telling - i hate people making fun of it. For those who never been involved in the scene, it may seem like "poyo siot!" Call it the poyoness of me... Lantak la. Aku tak kacau kau, pehal ko nak kacau life aku?!

I was a believer. But I was never an extremist. I knew that there are jerks who accused me of being a trend follower. I was there before it was even a trend. I was there before it was swarm by posers. I pulled myself away from the crowd and gone in silence.

It was a good life, good love, good music, good frens.

You know me so long, yes you thought you know me. Think again!
Sorry i wasn't truthful. It's just that you wouldn't understand.
You mainstream people sux.
Sorry beb!!

The other side of jigz stays within, until someone rip off herstory.

Monday, October 10, 2005

I'm a fisherman's friend

A guy fren likes to put a phrase on me, "Oh i forgot, you are not a GIRL!" He said it for 3 times last nite alone!

Let me tell you sumthing my dear fren..
No, i don't talk about guys with my galfrens when we hang out.. thank you very much. Tapi honestly la i think only school girls je buat keje checking out pretty guys. Ladies of my pathetic life have lots more to think of in life rather than wondering if the guy over that counter is checking on us or not. Women of my age aren’t talking about sex and relationships so much—they are talking about work and their careers. If you wonder if that makes us feel old, prolly..sometimes..

And dear fren....
Honestly, i don't really like to hang out with girls coz i feel so akwark. For some reason, i don't have much of girlfrens.. Really.. i hate the mengumpat, mengata, mengeji dan mengutuk other people and no, i don't think it's funny at all, i hate the gossipping sessions, i hate the "check-out-that-hawt-guy-there", i hate browsing thru girly mags and trying to imitate those aneroxic models, drooling eyeballs over latest fashion, trying out latest make up, seriyesly BENCI! Having studied in an all-girl school 80% of my pengajian rendah & menengah, i had enuff of these clones. I do keep in touch with these girls once in a while, who i gladly refer as my social frens.. I need them for my 1,000 name lists of my wedding invitation and get them to buy me wedding gifts and pics snapping on the pelamin sessions. But tell you the truth.. i can't last more than 30 mins hanging out with them.

In case if you wonder, my dear fren...
No, I don't wear short sexy skirts and i don't reveal my cleavage maybe for the fact that i don't have much to show. I don't put on make up maybe for the fact that i have too much coretan di pipi and i don't wish to make my face even more serabut coz dat would make me feel like menconteng arang di muka sendiri. No, i don't go for facial treatments coz it's really painful i tell u it sucks the first time i had it. No, i don't go for hair treatments coz i like my hair the way it is and i got it covered most of the time. If those are the characteria to be a chic and get hitched, thank you very much. I rather not be!

And sometimes i do wonder myself, my dear fren..
Mane la minah2 ni dpt duit nak mantain diri.. Banyak duit siot nak pakai just to satisfy hawa nafsu mata jantan-jantan.. Nak straighten rambut la, bagi bounce la (sampai skang aku tak reti beza straighten & rebonding), medicure, pedicure, gi facial la, fashion updates, make up sebakul, accessories ikut kaler baju lagi.. tu tak masuk contact lense ikut kaler eye shadow.. shehhhssss!! To be frank with you, most of the girls of this category that i know would get sponsorship from their Mr Big. Therefore, please don't ask me if i could bring any hot galfrens along when we go out coz really... i don't have pretty chics to introduce to you or ajak lepak together coz i think most of them are fake and i don't wish to see my frens get fooled by these clones! Either dat, or you'll find that my real girlfrens are not up to your Covergirl standard... and dat would disappoint you, wouldn't it?

And if you must know, my dear fren...
No, mushy and cheesy words don't impress me much. I hate sweet talkers. Oh, and sorry i can't be mengada-ngada and act cheeky... If it kills to be practical, so kill me! I'm a serious bitch, so sue me!

Futhermore, my dear fren...
I'm a tad too old to perasan chic. Just treat me as a fren ok.
That will do me just fine.

Why do i feel these days people take relationship like accessories? Guys want the Coverpage girls and girls want Mr. Big - the wealthy guy to show off to other people.
Everybody's out for fishing competition.. see who gets the biggest catch.
And love is just a word to be used as a bait.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

For richer or poorer

I just had a lunch.. i rarely go out for lunch but i decided that i need a decent lunch before Ramadhan comes tomorrow.

While we were enjoying our last lunch before Ramadhan, my friend saw a blind man coming from behind me, with his assistant/guidance (whatever u call her/him). She told me that she didn't want to donate. I know she felt guilty, and didn't want to look vain at the same time. Told her, if you donate half-heartedly, better don't. I gave her an empty look as I, myself rarely donate for blind man, or any beggar as a matter of fact, who walks table to table.

Since i was small, i was taught by my mother not to donate money to these people. Beggar is a harsh word to use, but they beg for money, don't they? These people..Some of them are either partially blind,or they belong in a syndicate that use kids, old women with kids, and disabled people as their modus operandi. If you notice, these people usually come in a taxi or a van or any form of pickup transport provided by their mandur.

When I was still living in JB, if these people came to me, I sometimes talk to them and told them to go to Welfare Depmt as they have allocations for the orphanage, old folks, poor and disabled people. Tapi biasala, ada sesetengah tu..esp the Burmese ni slalu kong ajo, esp budak2. Cam nak sepak2 je rase.

If you lepak long enough at the stalls, you will notice they will come back after about half an hour. They will take turn in about 10-15 minutes (but these days you can see ramai sgt). For whatever reason they are doing it, I personally diss them. I mean, I pity them. Yes. But there are alot of other ways for them to earn decent money, and most importantly earn respect. And the saddest part is that, mostly are Malays. Cover muke sejap! Sedih nengok Melayu camni :( I don't care if you are some MDs or clerks or cleaners, all of them are the same because all of us are trying to make end meets by doing a decent job.

These blindpeople..They maybe unfortunate for not able to see the colours of the world since the day they were born. Or perhaps, on their journey of life. But it's fated, written in the book of God. They need to take a pride in themselves for getting the special place in Hereafter. But that doesn't give them the priviledge to degrade themselves by begging for sympathy while they are still alive. They are only blind, but they still have the energy, and most importantly, brain to think. Apela salahnye enroll themselves in a training center for disabled. There are alot of such centers in this country. In fact, one of my favourite dolly was one made by blind people in JARO. I taught that doll to walk, u know.. so cute! Got fringe and all!

Ladies and gentlemen, I am a strong believer (heks!) dat Malaysians are very generous. I love our community. Indeed. If not,Bersamamu wouldn't be success. If not, our government couldn't bring the Acheh orphanage to this country for adoption. If not, Mercy could be long extint. If not, Ahmad and Mohammad could probably be the real life version of "Stuck On You". If not, Ras Adiba Radzi could never walk again and drive her posh Volvo. All thanks to generous Malaysians.

However, if you really want to donate, please do so at the mosque. Or do a bit more. It doesn't take much of your effort. Just find a welfare center, a family or a person. Just ONE. Donate for that particular subject of your choice that you believe in most need of help. Every month. Tak banyak.. Seguni beras pon takpe. At least you know where your donation gone, and wat it is used for.There are a lot of welfare centers in Malaysia. Opt for the ones that really in need. Most famous orphanage centers have more funds than you think. And the orphans are richer than you. These kids get to attend alot of functions, meet alot of celebrities, get a handful of gifts and duit raya. That's why most orphans prefer to stay at the centers than their own home. Not that i have anything against them or anything...It's a fair share. I know, even though they are showered with gifts and lavish treatments, they are missing the love of their late parent/s.

But have you ever thought of those who refuse or not able to enroll in the centers just because they can't leave their family due to their obligations. At such a young age, they take responsibilities of their parent/s. These kids are the ones that we really need to help. They don't come to you. They don't seek for attention. They don't ask for help. But it's our duty to come to them, care for them and help them.

Choose your donatee. It won't hurt your wallet. And it will never make you a penny poorer.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Lucas said "My life is too short to become a film studio." - CNN

The theatrical Star Wars saga may be winding to a close, but the Force will always be here - into many new and exciting territories - Asia.
What else can I ask for?

I know it's not over yet.
I know it's not the end.
I know there is still a light of hope.
And now it's here... closer to me ;-)

With the return of Jedi Clone Wars, Lucas empire strikes back... bringing a new hope...to ME!!!!

Monday, September 26, 2005

My life's a bore, so why do u even care?

eeyyyyyyy!!!
I just realized that Jigz Dump Site has marked one year of its existence in the alam maya siber.. yeayyyy!!

Antara banyak-banyak, saya suka yang ini - My Remedy, ini pon ok gaks - "No...I said I love you SO MUCH!", Dan Change One Thing, Change Everything slalu wat saye pikir. Ini pon same One of those... of me. Haa.. ini menjadi topik emo kawan-kawan saya - Malacca, that's where my life begins... Tapi saye agak emo dgn yang ni Beauty queen is only sixteen.

Ade lagi ke yang nak fill me in? hehe...

Hmm....
Apesal aku rase cam pathetic je ni? Shit, i need a real life!

beauty queen of only sixteen

Life is the process of finding love,
every person will need to find four people in their life.
First person is yourself,
second person is the one you love most,
third person is the one who love you most,
and the fourth, is the one you spend the rest of your life with.

In life, firstly you will meet the one you love most,
and learn how love feels;
Because you know how love feels,
so you can find the person who love you most;
When you have experienced the feeling of loving others and being loved,
you will then know what it is you need most,
Then you will find the person who is suitable for you,
to be able to spend the rest of your life with.

Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person.
The one you love most, doesn't love you;
The one who love you most, is never the one you love most;
And the one you spend your life with, is never the one you love most
or the one who love you most,
he is just the person who happens to be at the right place at the right time.
So, which person are you in other people's life?

No person will purposely have a change of heart.
At the point in time when he loves you,
he really loves you;
But when he doesn't love you anymore,
he really don't love you anymore;
When he loves you, he can't pretend that he doesn't;
Same goes, when he loves you no more,
there's no way he can pretend he loves you.

When a person doesn't love you and wants to leave you.
You must ask yourself if you still love him,
If you also don't love him anymore,
don't ever not let him leave just to save your pride.

If you still love him, you should wish him happiness,
and hope that he will be with the one he loves most,
not stop him from it.
If you stop him from finding true happiness with the one he loves,
it shows you already don't love him,
And if you don't love him,
what rights do you have to blame him for a change of heart?

Love is not possessive.
If you like the moon,
you can't just take it down and put it in your basin,
But the moonlights will shines upon you.

In other words, when you love a person,
you can use another method of possessing the person.
Let him become a permanent memory in your life.

If you really love a person, you must love him for what he is;
Love him for his good points, and the bad,
You can't wish for him to become like what you like him to be just because you love him.
If he can't change to become what you like him to be, you don't love him anymore.

When you really love a person, you cannot find a reason why you love him,
You only know that no matter when and where,
good mood or bad mood,
you will wish to have this person be with you;

Real love is when two people can go through the toughest problems without asking for promises and listing criteria's.
In a relationship, you have to put in effort and give him at times,
not always be on the receiving end;
Being away from each other is a type of test,
If the relationship isn't strong, then you can only admit defeat.
Real love will never become hate.

When two people are in love,
They love to ask each other to swear, to make promises.
Why do they ask each other to swear and promise?
Because they don't trust each other, they don't trust their lover.

This swears and promises are useless;
Till the sky falls, till the ocean dry, my love for you will never change!
We all know that the sky will never fall, the ocean will never dry,
Even if it happens, are we still alive by then?

Be careful when making promises, don't make promises that you cannot keep.
Swear by things that can never happen,
because it can never happen, so no harm just saying it casually.
Remember, "Swearing by things that can never happen are the most touching!!"

In a relationship, what you say is one thing, but what you do is another;
The one saying, doesn't believe; the one listening, also doesn't believe.

Which person have you found so far?
In the world so big, which person have you found?
And who has found you?

*credits to my gorgeous confidante...who is 12,000 miles away..

Saturday, September 24, 2005

So little time..

It's 5:47PM on Saturday evening and I'm blogging away...
*the heck am I doing with a PC on a fine day like this!*
Yes. bebeh! Am at the office.. Working, bebehhhh!

you better work ( cover girl )
work it girl ( give a twirl )
do your thing on the runway
i have one thing to say, sashay shante, shante, shante, shante
i have one thing to say, sashay shante, shante, shante, shante
i have one thing to say ...you better work, bitch !

...singing to myself a la RuPaul (so the very 80s hehe)

Kalau work on runway takpe gaks..Nih keje ngadap PC betulkan network customer.. watpe!
Tsskkkk!! Tskkk!! Shrug my head!

On the other hand, while waiting for the network test result, I screen my blog statistics and suddenly i saw a unique page linking to my site..

http://www.bitemyblog.com/blogdetails.php?blogid=357238
Huhhh?? Wadda heck is dis? I tot I have classified my blog as private?!

Think I'm going to see Qaisara after this la. Miss her so much, wonder if she can talk already. I still couldn't figure out whether I should teach her to call me Auntie or Mak Su. The latter one sounds younger je... hehe.. Yikesss!! Geli geli je..
Well, aby Cha... u can call me Jigz :-P

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Dwell in Possibility...

Things that I do when I'm happy:

  1. Go shopping
  2. A personal treat at Sushi King
  3. Indulge in chocolate or ice cream McFlurry Oreo/Sundae Choc
  4. Hang out with friends - gelak2, lawak2, kutuk2, pangkah2
  5. Listen to noisy and loud music, headbanging and singing on top of my lung like org gile
  6. Grin grin grin a la colgate kindergarten schoolteacher
  7. Write journal/blog
  8. Sleep like a rabbit

Things that I do when I'm sad:

  1. Go shopping
  2. A personal treat at Sushi King
  3. Indulge in chocolate or ice cream McFlurry Oreo/Sundae Choc
  4. Hang out with friends - gelak2, lawak2, kutuk2, pangkah2
  5. Listen to noisy and loud music in the car, headbanging and singing on top of my lung like org gile
  6. Pretend to grin grin grin a la colgate kindergarten schoolteacher
  7. Write journal/blog
  8. Sleep like a tenuk mati

I do exactly the same thing I would have done when I'm tremedously happy or when I'm down with sadness. That's how I even out my emotions... I'm feeling a little oogie woogie at the moment. I'm lack of soul, i'm lack on esteem. My double jumble feelings is puching my head, beating my brain. I'm numb. Complete numbness. I got no strength at all.. In the state that I'm in. I miss you so much, it hurts.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Wake up and smell the coffee

I don't feel like doing anything today.
I wish I'm not here. I wish I'm not nowhere.
Interstate of mind.. When you're high and fly.

My hands are tied.
My legs are weak.
My heart is frozen.
I'm paralyze...
Because of you.

../tickle me to see this person's display emotikus image.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Izzit a During Menstrual Syndrome (DMS) or izzit a bunga-bunga sentimental day?

It just occur to me..These songs are looping in my playlist in a manner of the following order:

  1. Love Song -311
  2. Too Lost in You - Sugarbabes
  3. The Trouble with Love Is - Kelly Clarkson
  4. Secret Lovers - Atlantic Starr
  5. Same Script, Different Cast - Deborah Cox & Whitney Houston
  6. Menanti Sebuah Jawaban - Padi
  7. Give Me One Reason - Tracy Chapman
  8. Berhenti Berharap - Sheila on 7
  9. Shut Up - The Black Eyed Peas
  10. Forget Her - Jeff Buckley

Obviously la these are not the only songs looping in Jigz playlist but ironicly they are queueing up in such story-telling order. Funny, how it could make up a story hehekkss...

And obviously i have that much time, i could analyze my playlist :P

Just a note, LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS!!

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah perjalanannya. Panjangkanlah jodohku dengannya. Semoga dia sampai ke bumi tanah airku ini dengan selamat. Amin.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Live for more, alive for the first time

Time is tough, the sea is rough
Be it Nabi storm or Katrina hurricane, I will always stand by you.
I may not be your sugar lady but I'll be there in times when u need me
Just get home safely
I'll be here waiting

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Malacca, that's where my life begins

Last nite, like any other Wednesday nite, I went lepakking with my "associates" hehhee.. This time at Nasi Kandar Sedap (it is important to note that the food contradicts with the name. Sungguh tak sedap!!) with a view of a sexy, gorgeous Lamborghini in front of me (uhhh beshnye... slurrppp!!)

I was so sleepy and stoned, as I only had 3 hours of golek2 and non snoozing sleep the nite before. Despite of my zombiness, I dragged my big cute ass to meet them somehow coz Nadz a fren just met with an accident earlier in the evening. N'way, just to release a bit of tension, last nite we just layan cerita2 zaman Alpha.. Ala sebenarnye coz ade junior kot.. When we open book on the Alpha years, each one of the guys has some pointers towards me.. One claimed that he was a nerd and I became his fren just bcoz i needed help in my studies and assignments. Another said dat i didn't even know him, let alone talk to him back then coz i was with the high class clan (tahpehape!). Obviously, I had a hard time trying to justify myself but if that's the role i play in their life, so let be it. Ok la aku pasrah, ape pon yg telah di-trade mark kan utk aku, aku terima seikhlas-ikhlasnya.

Nevertheless, i just wanna re-collect on the things that i really really miss during my Malacca year:

  1. The short hair, Natalie look :P
  2. Free hostel phone!!
  3. Staying alive with full blast energy after dawn dusk and pengsan during daytime.
  4. Ghost hunting sessions
  5. Watching Laser Disc with the gang (particularly of that Booty Call movie..hahaha wicked!)
  6. Me being warded for food poisoning/gastric, then ran away from the hospital on the 2nd day and 3 hours later i was back on the hospital bed :( *deepest love and appreciation to my frens who sent me to the hospital, visited (sampai sanggup sneak in), took care of me, and buat riot kat ward*
  7. Girl nite out at Equatorial, pampered with lotsa pizza and cheese cakes ;-)
  8. Supper at Daud seriyesssss!!
  9. Nine (tah apsal tah Zach letak name Nine pastu dah tukar nama dah) GREASE!
  10. Food hunting! My mom said i was at my chubbiest mode when i was in Malacca. Seriyes food kat Melaka sedap nak mampos! Nyum nyum nyummm...
  11. Hanging out and playing beach soccer at Pantai Klebang.
  12. A road trip MLK(BBQ)-KL(Supper@Bangsar)-KLIA(Breakfast)-MLK(Lunch)-JB(Dinner) all in a day. AKA a frenship trip to visit Amy yang chicken pox hihii
  13. Those adventurous JB-Mlk trips on Babarthe's Honda Civic yang lantai berlubang leh nampak jalan n sampai2 hostel engine terus berasap; and also my Charade yang dengan jayanya menghantar kawan-kawanku pulang beraya di KL tetapi mengaku kalah di Kajang on d way to JB yang menyebabkan Filza and i stranded at KL just few days before Raya. hukss...
  14. The Cyber trips and ZERO Party.
  15. And the most most importantly... Those crazy frens, and all other crazy things that we did.. Also the games - belon acah (aka galah panjang), suck and kiss, card tricks, telur&tepung war, cake bashing, BBQ... (cepat, ape lagi yg i nak kene senaraikan ni?)

Ok, that's enough! If i were to list everything, i need to make a journal instead..

During my FOSEE year, everyday was a joyful day. Seriously..I love every single bit of it.. Life in uni was all about fun fun fun. The best part is that we don't have to party hard and be wild to just to have a blast. Just doing those stupid activities, which mostly does not require us to fork out our money... We were so restless.. i miss those times. Life has been creeping up on us so badly that we dont have time to spend together like the younger years (mcm dah tua sgt je).

If my emotions were a bank, I might be feeling just a touch overdrawn right now. It's always nice to feel a little nostalgia for days of yore, but it doesn't mean that I want to stay stuck in the past. Those are just memories that I love to cherish.

AND, in 24 hours - jojie's home!!! Yeayyyy... (alaa.. if it's u who's coming back, i definitely put ur name pulak. So pengajaran - GO ABROAD and BE MISSED!)

To dear frens, though this entry created much of a back-fire towards me, i won't comply to your request of putting everyone's name :-P (saya mempunyai kawan-kawan yang teramat emo apabila nama-nama mereka tidak diglamerkan. Kenapa ek?). Even though I am still quite at my emo mode (the "invitation conflict" case is NOT OVER yet, ppl! + my much-hated-absence of yesterday's get-together *sob* *sob*) but just wanna let u know that i truly truly cherish and appreciate your frenship *big hug~!* (eeekkkk.. jiwang la plak! geli jek!). Ada org menyampah if i talk about this 'friendship bond'. I don't say sweet things often, so beat it my fren! Nasib la, my blog - my territory.

Updated: 13 Sept 05 -> karena aku kalah dengan bullet-bullet mereka di kala ku keseorangan berjuang di medan perang Malacca Entry. Demmm!

Monday, September 05, 2005

Penantian Suatu Penyiksaan

Menanti Sebuah Jawaban
by Padi

Aku tak bisa luluhkan hatimu
Dan aku tak bisa menyentuh cintamu
Seiring jejak kakiku bergetar
Aku tak terpagut oleh cintamu
Menelusup hariku dengan harapan
Namun kau masih terdiam membisu

Sepenuhnya aku ingin memelukmu
Mendekap penuh harapan 'tuk mencintaimu
Setulusnya aku akan terus menunggu
Menanti sebuah jawaban 'tuk memilikimu

Betapa piluhnya rindu menusuk jiwaku
Semoga kau tahu isi hatiku
Dan seiring waktu yang terus berputar
Aku masih terhanyut dalam mimpiku

I just wanna be with you, whatever it may cost...

Friday, September 02, 2005

Friday I'm in love...*wink*

I, Jigz hereby announce that I have a confession to make. I have a new love interest. I'm in love with someone I've never met before. My baby will be coming to town by end of the month...insyaAllah. I pray hard. I can't wait. Uhhh, I'm so in love...

Friday, August 26, 2005

True Blue

As nostalgic as you're feeling at the moment, it would be easy to let yourself get down in the dumps. But what purpose would that serve? We all think there's something we'd do differently if we had the chance, but why dwell on changing the past? Everything you've ever done has made you the person you are today. Be glad for everything that's happened, good and bad, and look to the future. Life couldn't be more beautiful than this... Ermm, yes it can, i know but praise the Lord for all that He've given me.

*Credits to my wonderful new home and the lovely people who live in it... and the very big swimming pool besh beshhhh!! And ice-cream and curry puff IKEA and OU and Spaghetti Bolognese @ Tmn Megah and the cute guys who lives around the area hehhee (Chickflick!)

Sometimes when we think we want so much in life, we tend to forget the lovely and beautiful things that we have around us. We tend to take things for granted. Guilty as charged! I used to chase so many things. I tend to run faster than my mind could take. Eventually I get tired and I stopped. I walked slowly. I just don't want to run and chase life anymore. It's endless. I just want to enjoy the scenery and smell the roses. Even if I don't reach the paradise that I long desire, I hope that I still feel content with the life I'm living now. I need to appreciate the small things in life. Those are the ones that really matter.

I don't regret my journey so far. Tho I may have lost and found (hiks) alot of wonderful things along the way, I am so grateful that at least I'm given the chance to taste them.

I know I talk about this alot but really... I need to find balance of life and what it means to be alive.

"Lift your chin up and just walk ahead."

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

I'm alive bebehhhh!!!

Yeayyyyy!! I finally came back to life! Mama miaa!!
My Y! Msgr got up from sleep and came back to life.. muahh muahhh muahhh... feels like hugging and kissing sumbody.. I'm so excited i wanna celebrate...
Kalau rasa gumbira, belly dancing! Yeah! yeah! Kalau rasa gumbira, belly dancing! Yeah! Yeah!Kalau rasa gumbira, beginilah caranya.. Kalau rasa gumbira, belly dancing!!
Hahaa... freak! Terasa poyo gila! I dont care, seeing those yellow smileys and getting those blinking orange windows makes me feel connected to the world. Been living in the dark side of the world for the past 2 months, only God knows how it dooms me to bore-kingdom.

But i dont like the new Y! Msgr version.. the voice add-on features and some other craps just menyemak jerk. But who cares anyway! As long as i'm alive!!

On the other note...
NO! I'm not a big fan of AF or those Mawi WORLD! die hard freak! Seriously aku anti+benci+menyampah tahap gaban dgn AF. Sungguh mengecewakan hidup sebagai Malaysian yang fanatik dengan cheap reality shows like this.. Then sumbody sent me email pics of Mawi n Felix di ASTRO (wtf?) earlier today and i can't stop laughing my ass off with this guy's kata2 nasihat autograph kepada peminat setia...

Can you read that? He's probably the 1st celebrity who gives such advice... bagusssss!! I have a more direct phrase in my head that i couldn't possibly shout it out loud in here.. tak sesuwayyy utk budak2.. hahahhaha..

Friday, August 19, 2005

Angeldust...

There's a sadness in the laughter
a dullness in the glow
a tremor in the psyche-
that could only be seen by the one behold

The wound festers in silence
as I intently listen on
trying to grasp the hidden meanings
of the tears and its lonely song.

No sweet darling, you shouldn't cry
For what has happened is good for you both

You need to talk, I know you do
I can see it in your eyes
There's a sadness deep inside of you
One you can't disguise

It comes and goes but is always there
Can you share with me?
I want to know what hurts you so
Whatever can it be?

:(

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Saya sgt pressure!

Still at the office all alone, doin endless work.
I'm so fuckin bz. I hate!!!! Argghhhhhh...
Tanak keje aa.. nak kawin, dok umah jaga anak!
Hukssss :-(

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

This is so cute...

I found this entry in a blog that belongs to a teacher. Kinda entertaining...

DRAGONS UNZIPPED: LAUGHS AND TEARS FROM A BOSTON CHARTER SCHOOL

At the Academy of the Pacific Rim, one of the traditions that we've cultivated is the telling of a middle or high school story at the end of our faculty meetings. Better than statistics on a newspaper or text on a web-site, the stories shared -- often humorous, some times heartrending -- capture the essence of what it's like to work in a school, where the unexpected is to be expected. Here's a small taste.

I. November 17, 1999
For the past two days, my 6th grade history classes have been studying the Code of Hammurabi, a set of 282 written laws developed by a rather draconian ruler of Babylon in 3000 B.C. Two nights ago, I asked students to come up with their own set of laws (for example, the Code of Tschang). Here are a few of their responses word for word:

Thomas J.
Law 1: If you fall in love you shal be put to death.
4: If you run from Jail you shal run in the desert for 20 years nonstop.

Andrew M. (a.k.a. the quietest student in the school)
5: If you pick your nose, you nose will be sewn shut.
12: If you don’t do your homework, you shall be thrown into a river.
16: If you play hookie from school, you shall wash the bathroom with a toothbrush.
17: If you cheat on a test, you will be forced to eat it. 19: If you fight with your sibling(s) you shall be handcuffed to them for a month.

Lamar D.
2: If a man knee’s a woman in the stamic he will go to court and pay a fine of $81.67.
3: If a person sells you a bed and the bed broke, that person will be hit with a teddy bear 8 times.
6: If you are over weight you will need to pay $4.00.

Isnard D.
If you wear your pants backward you will be called crazy.
Ketchup is used with musturd nor mayo, or you shall be burned.
If you don’t wear a belt you shall be punished by death.

Nathan G.
1: If you get reduced lunch and your not soposed to, the government will blow up your house.
2: If you make disturbing noises in class, thou shall have a break taken from thee.

II. March 21, 2001
I asked my 10th graders to write an 250-word honest self-critique at the beginning of the 2nd trimester and here's one student's response:
"I do not have a problem understanding the material. The way you words things (like on tests and quizzes) makes it hard for me to understand. The most complicated question can have the simplest answer. I HATE THAT!!! Also when I ask questions, your explanation is harder to understand from when you explained it the first time. Just make things simple, easy and fun. Don't make things hard because I aways end up with a bad score or homework grade.
I would also like to add that your class, math and science stress me out. I can not take all this work anymore. Now that it is third trimester everyone is focusing on MCAS. Now with the gray hair I have (mostly from you and Mr. Wood) 8 strands. Now it is pretty sad that the majority of my class can not live without sugar. We have adopted bad habits that we should not have until we are... well, around your age. We would not have these habits if we were anywhere else unless the work somewhere else is extremely hard. Some thing needs to change because by the time I graduate I will be dying my hair on a weekly basis.
On Saturdays (as you already know) I am at school for 3 hours of the Biff Paradigm program. On the 10th of March, we learned the definition of Paradigm. Mrs. Bracey told us that every teacher has a paradigm for each of their students. I would like to know your paradigm on me. Please be honest and truth. Don't worry about being nice. Be mean if you have to. I want to know the truth.”


III. April 4, 2001

This week is Health and Sexuality Week, where outside nonprofit representatives come in and talk about health-related issues. I was supervising a sex-talk from a Planned Parenthood rep to a 6th grade classroom – one of the most awkward situations you could ever find yourself in – and here are some snippets from that.

  1. “Is sex fun?” –one 6th grader’s question
  2. “Is it illegal to have sex outside?” –one 6th grader’s question. “No…in porn movies, people always have sex outside?” –another 6th grader’s response
  3. “Why do people masturbate?” –one 6th grader’s question. “Maybe because they love themselves…” –another 6th grader’s response


IV. July 6, 2000

At the end of last year, one of my 6th grade students was walking on a sidewalk in the middle of the day, when a car came up, broadsided him and ran off. He was in serious condition in the hospital for over a month, and received an outpouring of support. Here’s an example, typed up by a special needs student:

Dear Simon,
I wish that you feel much better because I wish the car never hit you. I hope you are in good care because god is looking over you. I told my mother what happen and she said that she hope you feel much better even she does not know you she said that she likes everybody it does not matter what color you are and what culture you are.
Do you remember all those good time we had that time when we where on the basketball court and you pick me and swing me around and that time we did that play together and that time we was going to interview to gather but we didn’t had time to finish it I was asking that when you come back I would love to do the interview together.

Sincerely,Frantzy

V. May 4, 2001

One of the key parts of our program at APR is an all-school ceremony at the beginning or end of each day. These ceremonies are a time to give presentations, make school-wide announcements or recognize student achievement. This year, we’ve struggled with seriousness and appropriate behavior at our ceremonies. I was talking to my 7th grade homeroom this afternoon about the importance of clapping appropriately, not talking and -- my personal favorite -- sitting up straight during the assemblies. My opening lecture led to the following dialogue:

Yesenia M.: I heard from my mom that if you sit too long -- I think she said on a cold floor -- that you might get something...I think it's called hemorrhoids. That's when your anus gets infected.

Mr. Tschang: If it's that big of a problem, why don't you just wear two underwears.

YM: No...it gets too hot that way.

Mr. Tschang: OK, I'll go to the store and buy you diapers.

YM: [Silence--conversation ends]

Monday, July 25, 2005

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Monday
I was fooled by a stupid marketing scheme. Arghhh!! Actually i wasn't a believer pon, but because dis fren of mine sgt excited coz die dapat bukak coupon cabutan bertuah yang membuatkan die dapat peluang dpt Perdana v6/motosikal/some electrical appliances while i pulled out 3 coupons and all i've got was "Terima Kasih" note. But in order to get one of those big prizes, we had to spend RM2,950 for 3 "sure-get-one" electrical appliances. So we got this crazy idea of "why not? Just give it a shot" and that was the stupidest and costliest keje gile i'd ever did. Inilah padahnye terlalu melayan kawan sangat.. shishhhh!! Needless to say, maka dengan itu terbanglah duit aku secara buta-buta. Apa aku dapat?

  1. Foot massager
  2. Home theater system
  3. Sewing machine
  4. A huge so called computerized cooking place (entahlah tak reti nak define bendenye. Nengok skali, bwk balik dan haram tanak nengok lagi coz sakit ati)

Then we went back home sakit kepala mana nak jual mende2 nih and get back our money. Cam byk sgt duit je nak main lawak camnih.. Huksss sgt sedih dengan kebodohan sendiri.

p/s: anyone wants any of these, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Wednesday
Remote alarm control of my car went dead. Great, just great!! i dont even have a spare key/alarm. I was already late nak masuk keje balik.. dah la cabut lunch time tu.. cam prasan terror, i unlocked my car manually with the car key and the alarm went histerical! I quickly looked for a button under the dashboard to disable the alarm. Walaubagaimana pun saya tidak menjumpainya lalu saya buka hood kereta dan mencabut wayar di hadapan. Siren pon terpadam. Akan tetapi lampu kereta saya tidak berhenti-henti blinking. Hukkksss.. camne nihss?!
So i went to a service center and asked them to fix the problem.
The mechanic advised me to replace the motor. Hell no way man. It probably only the remote control problem and he fooled me to replace everything. And the mechanic left the whole thing on the floor without even fixing it back!

Thursday
I was so sleepy today due to a late nite hang-out. I was semi concious while driving to work and bangggggg!! I hit a car! Demmit!! The accident wasn't the worst part. Hitting a wrong car - whose the owner of the car is a nyonya yang kechoh and kiasu, that is. Calar sket dah kecoh mintak ganti bumper baru. "Hey, this is an Altis, u know" shut up u fool! I know wat car it is and like i'm so impressed? Cmon, get a life!! As if la i'm driving a kancil, i cannot pay u. Take the money, paint ur bumper and shut up! Malas aku nak layan. Tapi malangnya, wise of me to give her my business card. And there she goes... calling me and pastering me to get her bumper replaced immediately and she needs a rental car coz sending her car for a repair means she aint got no car to go to work. Wtf?

Friday
Coz i'm not so used to lock my car manually, i accidently left my car key in the car. Bijak, bijak!! Since i was late to office (again!) so like lantak la, lunchtime kang baru pikir.
Later at lunchtime, i asked the pak guard to help me and he said, "Ohh, ini ketat sangat ni, susah nak buat.. tak boleh ni" Buzz off u bozo.. Let me handle it. Hangin betul ngan pak guard yang tak kesiankan aku dan takde kejantanan langsung. Within 10 mins i managed to unlock my car with a long ruler. Nasib baik aku terror! huhuu...

Saturday
Seriously i couldn't remember what happened to me on dis day.. I passed out!

Sunday
And i miss him like shit...

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Sweat & Tears finally paid off... ermm sorf of

Friendster Horoscope for July 20, 2005
Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20
)


The Bottom Line
The group gets lost, sometimes. So it's time for you to take over as leader.


In Detail
Ever see the movie 'Pay It Forward'? It's about a little boy who decides that paying back isn't the right way to go, and that paying in advance for kindnesses is better. That's the way you live your life, and although you'd never call in a favor, no matter how many you've done for someone, a bit of TLC you've issued in the past will suddenly come back to you. Smile, say thank you, and decide who to pass the good feelings on to next.

The energy meters
Money: 5/5
Love: 3/5
Attitude: 4/5



The bottom line, that is so true...
Alhamdulillah, i just got promoted (to be exact, worked my ass off!) as a DM, which is one hell of an achievement that i could not define whether i luv or loathe it. Of course, I luv all the recognitions, exclusive treatments, celebrations, respects.. But really, it's not about the glits and glams but my main objective is to help my friends and be successful together. The achievement does not mean that i can sit and relax but it comes with higher responsibilities, and "pay it forward" is what i promised my SSPs. Sweat and tears, i'm gonna make it happen, together with my dear frens.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

It's 18:17 and I want to go back

Holding me all night long,
Cuddling tight, to our song.
You look at me with such desire,
Your passion burns hot as fire.

I want to see, I want to believe,
I want to ignore thoughts that deceive.
When you hold me tight and I get lost in a kiss...
I know I can love you... much better than this.

You're getting half, but deserve my all,
But I can't let go, afraid to fall.
I tell myself, "It's better this way,"
My heart, protected, no pain to pay.

I would be the one to fall
If I let go, and broke the wall.
Your face so sweet and so sincere,
My heart craves to hold you near.

But past mistakes haunt each day,
I tell myself, "It's better this way."
An open heart I lack and miss,
'Cuz I know I can love you much better than this.

When you feel the pain and start to cry,
I sit alone and wonder, "Why?"
Why the tears, can't you see?
I'm not crying, nope, not me.

Don't be so emotional, it opens doors,
It causes battles, emotional wars.
Sometimes I feel it, when unaware,
Strong sensations, to really care.

When you drop to your knees from misery's bliss,
I know I can love you... much better than this...
But I tell myself... "It's better this way."